- Notch Johnson: Chappy, Kimberlee and Harry are getting married.
- Chappy: I know. It's in all the papers.
- Notch Johnson: Look, I've got to stop the wedding, and I need you to round up Ellen and Professor Milosevic.
- Chappy: You're a convicted felon. Why should I help you?
- Notch Johnson: Chappy, there's a half-eaten taco in my left pocket with your name on it. Look, you've got to believe I'm innocent. After all we've been through together...
- Chappy: Shut up. Shut up! You had me at "half-eaten taco."
- Notch Johnson: How did you happen to plant your man seed in B.J.'s fertile pleasure garden?
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: I... what?
- B.J. Cummings: You know, got me pregnant?
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Well, you see, Brown Starfish wanted me to kill B.J. so he could frame Congressman Bukaki. But I fell in love with her. Naturally, she fell head over heels for me, so instead of killing her, I protected her by wiping out her memory with a drug called F-itall.
- Notch Johnson: F-itall? Isn't that the drug that's so popular at fraternity parties?
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Oh, Notch, look at me. You think I need mind-altering drugs to get women?
- Notch Johnson: Well, to tell you the truth...
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Moving on!
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Say, B.J., what do you say you and I run off together and become one happy family?
- Notch Johnson: Okay, you two kids run off. I've got a wedding to break up.
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Notch, that wedding is a trap!
- Notch Johnson: Well, aren't all weddings traps?
- Father of B.J.'s Baby: Yeah, but... but this wedding is a trap set up by Colonel Kooze to lure you out of hiding. He and his flatfoots will be there to arrest you. Don't you worry. I've got a plan to fool Kooze.
- Notch Johnson: You just said the magic word. "Fool" is my middle name.