Son of the Beach (TV Series)

Bad News, Mr. Johnson (2002)

Jon Lovitz: Father of B.J.'s Baby

Quotes 

• Notch Johnson : How did you happen to plant your man seed in B.J.'s fertile pleasure garden?

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : I... what?

  B.J. Cummings : You know, got me pregnant?

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : Well, you see, Brown Starfish wanted me to kill B.J. so he could frame Congressman Bukaki. But I fell in love with her. Naturally, she fell head over heels for me, so instead of killing her, I protected her by wiping out her memory with a drug called F-itall.

  Notch Johnson : F-itall? Isn't that the drug that's so popular at fraternity parties?

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : Oh, Notch, look at me. You think I need mind-altering drugs to get women?

  Notch Johnson : Well, to tell you the truth...

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : Moving on!

• Father of B.J.'s Baby : Say, B.J., what do you say you and I run off together and become one happy family?

  Notch Johnson : Okay, you two kids run off. I've got a wedding to break up.

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : Notch, that wedding is a trap!

  Notch Johnson : Well, aren't all weddings traps?

  Father of B.J.'s Baby : Yeah, but... but this wedding is a trap set up by Colonel Kooze to lure you out of hiding. He and his flatfoots will be there to arrest you. Don't you worry. I've got a plan to fool Kooze.

  Notch Johnson : You just said the magic word. "Fool" is my middle name.