The Simpsons (TV Series)
Treehouse of Horror IV (1993)
Harry Shearer: Evil Laugh, Fashion Show Announcer, Lenny, Ned Flanders, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Judge, Richard Nixon, Principal Skinner, Otto, Kang, Kent Brockman, Vampires
Photos
Quotes
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Ned Flanders : I give you the jury of the damned. Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon...
Richard Nixon : But I'm not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Ned Flanders : Hey listen, I did a favor for you!
Richard Nixon : Yes, Master.
Ned Flanders : John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
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Montgomery Burns : [welcoming the Simpsons via intercom at the front door] Welcome! Please come in...
[sinisterly]
Montgomery Burns : Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Waylon Smithers : Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Montgomery Burns : Oh, son of a bi-
[door opens]
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Bart Simpson : [sees the gremlin eating away at the school bus] Otto, you've got to do something. There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
[Otto looks out the window. Alongside the bus is an AMC Gremlin being driven by Hans Moleman]
Otto : No problem-o, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it.
[runs Moleman off the road]
Hans Moleman : No! Oh, no. I just made my last payment.
[the car comes to a stop, tapping lightly against a tree. Hans sighs in relief, before the car explodes]
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Ned Flanders : Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for...
[Homer has already scarfed the donut]
Homer : Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Ned Flanders : Well, technically no, but...
Homer : I'm smarter than the Devil! I'm smarter than the Dev-!
[Flanders turns into a huge demon]
Ned Flanders : You are not smarter than me! I'll see you in hell yet, Homer Simpson!
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, do you notice anything strange?
Homer Simpson : Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.
Montgomery Burns : I heard that!
Homer Simpson : [quickly points to Bart] It was the boy!
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Kent Brockman : Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene.
[the cape says "DRACULA"]
Kent Brockman : Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum : We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian Wing of the Springfield Museum destroyed.
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Marge : Wait! Before you send him to hell, there's something you should see. That's a photo of Homer and I at our wedding.
Richard Nixon : Wait a minute. You got married in an emergency room?
Marge : Well, Homer ate the entire wedding cake by himself... before the wedding.
[the Jury of the Damned all laugh]
Marge : Read the back, the back.
Blackbeard : Arrr! 'Tis some sort of treasure map.
Benedict Arnold : [snatches it away] You idiot, you can't read!
Blackbeard : Aye, 'tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensatin'.
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!
Montgomery Burns : Why, Bart's right here!
Bart Simpson : Hello, mother. Hello, father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.
Homer Simpson : Oh, Lisa! You and your stories! "Dad, Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now, let's get back to that... building thingy... where our beds and T.V... is.
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Principal Skinner : Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
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Principal Skinner : Now, I've got the word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it.
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Homer : Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
Ned Flanders : Well, that can be arranged.
Homer : What? Flanders. You're the devil?
Ned Flanders : Ho-ho, it's always the one you least suspect.
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Lisa : You must drive this stake right through his heart.
[Homer pulls open Burns' coffin]
Homer : Take that, vile fiend!
[aggressively pounds at the stake to no effect]
Lisa : Uh, Dad? That's his crotch.
Homer : [pulls the stake out with a nervous chuckle] Sorry!
[He aims the stake over Burns' heart, and drives it through with a single whack. Mr. Burns screams and writhes in horror before dying and crumbling to dust]
Homer : [relieved] Ahhh...
Mr. Burns : [suddenly comes back to life] You're fired!
[dies and crumbles to dust again]
Homer : D'oh!
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Lionel Hutz : Very well, but first some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half hour.
Ned Flanders : Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Lionel Hutz : Agreed... no, wait...
Ned Flanders : Silence!
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[Flanders opens a hole in the floor to Hell, but Homer gets stuck in it]
Ned Flanders : Your wide behind won't save you this time.
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[Bart is hanging out the window of the school bus. Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie are trying to pull him back in]
Principal Skinner : Pull, Willie, pull!
Groundskeeper Willie : I'm doin' all the pullin', ya blouse-wearin' poodle-walker!
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Ned Flanders : I hold here a contract between myself and one Homer Simpson, pledging me his soul for a donut, which I delivered. And it was scrum-diddly-umptious!
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Ned Flanders : Careful, hot pen!
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Ned Flanders : Well, well. Finishing something?
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Ned Flanders : [enraged] All right, Simpson. You get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten donut BE FOREVER ON YOUR HEAD!
[Zaps Homer's head]
Homer : AAAAHHHH!
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Ned Flanders : Eh, your wide-behind wont' save you this time! Hey, Bart.
Bart Simpson : Hey.
Lisa Simpson : Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?
Ned Flanders : Oh, you Americans with your due process and fair trials. Huh. This is always so much easier in Mexico.
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[vampires are holding down Bart for Mr. Burns]
Montgomery Burns : Well, if it isn't little... erm, boy!
[snarls and bites Bart, who screams]
