The Simpsons (TV Series)

Treehouse of Horror IV (1993)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Ralph Wiggum

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : Our final painting is the most horrible of all. To even gaze upon it is to go mad...

  [Homer is looking at Cassius Marcellus Coolidge's "A Friend in Need"] 

  Homer Simpson : AH! They're dogs! And they're playing poker! AHHHH!

  [laughs hysterically, and runs away shrieking] 

  Bart Simpson : We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense... so we just threw together something with vampires. Enjoy!

  ["Bart Simpson's Dracula" title card appears over the painting] 

• Bart Simpson : [sees the gremlin eating away at the school bus]  Otto, you've got to do something. There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!

  [Otto looks out the window. Alongside the bus is an AMC Gremlin being driven by Hans Moleman] 

  Otto : No problem-o, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it.

  [runs Moleman off the road] 

  Hans Moleman : No! Oh, no. I just made my last payment.

  [the car comes to a stop, tapping lightly against a tree. Hans sighs in relief, before the car explodes] 

• Bart Simpson : Paintings... lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to Hell so scary and horrible and gruesome that...!

  Marge Simpson : Bart! You should warn people that this episode is very frightening. Maybe they'd rather listen to that old "War of the Worlds" broadcast on NPR, hmm?

  Bart Simpson : Yes, Mother.

• Bart Simpson : Milhouse, quick! Look out the window!

  Milhouse : No way, Bart. If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear admiral!

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!

  Montgomery Burns : Why, Bart's right here!

  Bart Simpson : Hello, mother. Hello, father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, Lisa! You and your stories! "Dad, Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now, let's get back to that... building thingy... where our beds and T.V... is.

• Lisa Simpson : Grampa's a vampire?

  Bart Simpson : We're all vampires.

  [Bart, Homer, Marge, and Maggie all float into the air, baring their fangs as Lisa backs away in horror] 

  Lisa Simpson : But... no! We killed Mr. Burns!

  Homer Simpson : You have to kill the *head* vampire?

  Lisa Simpson : [gasp]  You're the head vampire?

  Marge Simpson : No, *I'm* the head vampire!

  [She laughs demonically] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom?

  Marge Simpson : [normal voice]  Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know.

• Bart : Come join us, Lisa, it's so cool. You get to stay up all night drinking blood.

  Milhouse : And if you say you're a vampire, you get a free small soda at the movies.

• [Bart awakens from a nightmare, and notices his sheets are wet] 

  Bart Simpson : Ewww... I hope this is sweat.

• Ned Flanders : Eh, your wide-behind wont' save you this time! Hey, Bart.

  Bart Simpson : Hey.

  Lisa Simpson : Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?

  Ned Flanders : Oh, you Americans with your due process and fair trials. Huh. This is always so much easier in Mexico.