The Simpsons (TV Series)

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson (1997)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney, World Trade Center Worker #3, Subway bum, New York City mailman, Alfred E. Neuman, Horse Cab Driver

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [drunk]  Goodnight, Barney. Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow. Just slide it under the door.

• Khlav Kalesh Guy : Fresh Khlav kalash! Get your khlav kalash!

  Homer Simpson : Hey, uh, could you go across the street and get me a slice of pizza?

  Khlav Kalesh Guy : No pizza, only khlav kalash.

  Homer Simpson : Aw, shoot... Oh, all right, all right, gimme one bowl.

  Khlav Kalesh Guy : [whips out something reddish on a stick]  No bowl, stick, stick.

  Homer Simpson : [Homer buys one, tries it]  Oh, geez! That's just awful.

  [finishes it] 

  Homer Simpson : Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?

  Khlav Kalesh Guy : Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.

  Homer Simpson : Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.

  [Homer drinks the can of crab juice, then several more] 

  Homer Simpson : [burps]  Uh-oh. Uh, you got a men's room in there?

  Khlav Kalesh Guy : [disturbed]  Only khlav kalash. Men's room in tower. Tower! Observation deck!

• Homer : That's it. I'm getting out of this town alive if it kills me.

• [Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk] 

  Lenny : Hey, let's go to the girl's college.

  Carl : No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.

  Homer Simpson : Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

• Homer : They expect me to wait here from 9 to 5? That's... how many hours?

  [looks at watch; counts fingers] 

  Homer : 10, 11... denominator... Awww where's Lisa when ya need her?

• Homer : All right, New York. I'm coming back. But you're not gonna get this!

  [Homer throws his wallet into the lit fireplace] 

  Lisa : Dad, our baby pictures are in there.

  Homer : Don't you start!

• Marge : Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.

  Homer : You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.

• [last lines] 

  Lisa Simpson : What a magical city. Can we come back next year, Dad?

  Homer : We'll see, honey. We'll see.

• Homer Simpson : Hey, eveybody, I'm Peter Pantsless!

• Barney Gumble : [draws a black pickled egg, meaning he's the designated driver]  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  Homer Simpson : You got the black one.

• Lenny : Hey, let's go to the girls college!

  Carl : No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!

  Homer Simpson : It's my car, and I say we're going to the Lost City of Gold!

  Barney Gumble : [angry]  Oh, that's just drunk talk!

  [dreamy] 

  Barney Gumble : Sweet, beautiful drunk talk...

• Homer : [after Barney has been missing for two months]  Barney, where have you been?

  Barney : All I can remember about the last two months, is giving a guest lecture at Villanova. Or maybe it was a street corner.

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, you got a letter from the city of New York.

  Homer : Throw it away! Nothing good has ever come out of New York City.

• Homer Simpson : [walking out of NY bus station]  Now remember, criminals prey on small-town folk like us. So if anyone asks, we're sophisticated millionaires from the Ozarks.

  Marge Simpson : Homer you're scaring the children.

  Homer Simpson : Good! I don't wanna spend *one* extra second in this urban death maze!

• Homer , Lenny , Carl : [drunk and singing]  Dada dada dada dada dada, Macarena. HEY MACARENA!

• Alfred E. Newman : Get me Kaputnik and Fonebone, I want to see their drawings for the New Kids on the Blecch! And where's my furshlugginer pastrami sandwiches?