The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Canine Mutiny (1997)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Gerald's Mother

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer : Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

  Bart : You're right.

  [Gets up and leaves] 

  Homer : Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

• Groundskeeper Willy : Yeah, I bought your mutt. And I 'ate him!

  [raises a huge bone of meat] 

  Bart Simpson : [gasps] 

  Groundskeeper Willy : [tears meat off the bone]  I 'ate his little face, I 'ate his guts, and I 'ate the way he's always barkin'!

  [tosses a bone behind him] 

  Groundskeeper Willy : So, I gave him to the church.

  Bart Simpson : [relieved]  Ohh, I see. You *hate* him, so you gave him to the church.

  Groundskeeper Willy : Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug!

  [Bart turns around, stares at Willy] 

  Groundskeeper Willy : Ya heard me!

• [Bart's looking for his dog] 

  Willy : Yeah, I bought your mutt - and I 'ate 'im.

  [Bart gasps] 

  Willy : I 'ate 'is little face, I 'ate 'is guts, and I 'ate the way 'e's always barkin'. So I gave 'im to the church.

  Bart : Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church.

  Willy : Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug.

  [Bart stares] 

  Willy : Ya heard me.

• Marge Simpson : [Maggie dumps a bowl of oatmeal over her head]  Oh, Maggie, you got oatmeal all over.

  [to Homer] 

  Marge Simpson : Homie, would you clean her off?

  Homer : [salutes]  Can do.

  [lifts Maggie out of her highchair and places her on the kitchen floor] 

  Homer : Laddie!

  [whistles] 

  Homer : Come here, boy! Who wants to lick a messy baby?

  [pauses] 

  Homer : Laddie?

  Bart : Uh, Dad? Laddie's not coming. I gave him away.

  Marge Simpson : What's the matter, Bart? Weren't you happy with him?

  Bart : No, he just wasn't the right dog for me. I'm sure he'll be happy as a police dog.

  Homer : [angrily]  He better know how to keep his mouth shut.

  Marge Simpson : Well, if that's what you think is best... let's just go down to the kennel and get Santa's Little Helper back.

  Bart : Uh, we can't. He's not in a kennel. I gave him away too, and I don't know where he is.

  Homer : You gave both dogs away? You know how I feel about giving!

  Bart : [tearfully]  I'm sorry. I know it's wrong. I messed everything up! And now I don't have any dogs at all!

  Homer : [consoles Bart]  There, there. Shut up, boy. We'll just get you a new dog.

  Bart : I don't want a new dog! I want Santa's Little Helper!

  Homer : Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back... unless your tears smell like dog food. So, you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food... until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back... or you can go out there and find your dog!

  Bart : You're right. I'll do it!

  [leaves the kitchen] 

  Homer : Rats! I almost had him eatin' dog food.

• Mr. Mitchell : [Mr. Mitchell is revealed to be blind]  Hi there. How can I help you?

  Bart Simpson : You're the guy who owns the dog?

  Mr. Mitchell : Yep. His name is Sprinkles.

  Bart Simpson : Sprinkles?

  Mr. Mitchell : Yeah, he's my best buddy, eh. 'specially since my parrot decided to stop talking.

  [the parrot is now a dead skeleton in a cage] 

  Mr. Mitchell : Polly? Polly, wanna say hi to my guest? Eh? Fine, be that way.