Shared with you
- Sideshow Bob: You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five. What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.
- Cecil Terwilliger: I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.
- Sideshow Bob: You do know I... used to have a...
- [clears throat]
- Sideshow Bob: problem... with trying to kill people?
- Cecil Terwilliger: Goodness, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last decade, in a cave, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.
- Sideshow Bob: Touche, Cecil.
- Lisa: Oh, it's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless.
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see. When it's one of *my* schemes you can't foil it fast enough, but when *Cecil* tries to kill you, "it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless."
- Cecil Terwilliger: Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.
- Sideshow Bob: I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
- Cecil Terwilliger: That would be the Latour, then.
- [Cecil is about to blow up Sideshow Bob and Bart]
- Cecil Terwilliger: And now to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.
- Sideshow Bob: You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five. What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.
- Cecil Terwilliger: I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.
- Sideshow Bob: But you can't do this! I saved the children's lives! I'm a hero!
- Cecil Terwilliger: [craftily] Tell them they'll live to regret this.
- Sideshow Bob: You'll live to regret this!
- Sideshow Bob: [realizing]
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, thanks a lot, now *I* look crazy.
- Cecil Terwilliger: [Cecil smiles smugly]
- Bart: [worried about Sideshow Bob being released on parole] If only you knew what he was thinking!
- [in the car]
- Sideshow Bob: [thinking] I hope they still make that shampoo I like.
- Krusty the Klown: [spotting Sideshow Bob at his prison concert] What have you been doing with yourself, Bob?
- Sideshow Bob: Well, Krusty, as you may remember, after I tried to frame you for armed robbery, I tried to murder Selma Bouvier. Let's see... I rigged the mayoral elections, I tried to blow up Springfield with a nuclear device, and I tried to kill you.
- Krusty the Klown: [nervous laugh] Oh, yeah.
- Sideshow Bob: And, whenever I could find a spare moment, I've tried to murder Bart Simpson.
- Bart: [watching on television] Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
- [Bart runs out of the room in terror]
- Homer: [calling after Bart] He said "tried"!
- Mayor Quimby: Bob is no maniac! He explained his reasons for trying to kill us all, and I assure you they were all perfectly sane.
- Lisa: Um, do you know what you're doing?
- Sideshow Bob: Lisa, you don't spend ten years as a homicidal maniac without learning a *few* things about dynamite.
- Sideshow Bob: I told you. I'm not a criminal anymore. Do you want to know what I've been up to? Here's a clue for you, Jack! One hundred thousand tonnes of reinforced concrete!
- Sideshow Bob: [Bob punches the wall and it collapses, revealing nothing underneath]
- Cecil Terwilliger: At last, I'm going to do what Bob never could: kill Bart Simpson!
- Bart: By throwing me off a dam? Isn't that a little crude for a genius like you?
- Cecil Terwilliger: Ooh, I suppose it is. Ehh, if anyone asks, I'll lie.
- Cecil Terwilliger: I forgot to mention, I'm planning to blow up the dam with you inside.
- Sideshow Bob: Well, obviously!
- Sideshow Bob: Wait a minute. This is all because I got to be Krusty's sidekick instead of you, isn't it?
- Cecil Terwilliger: Off the record, yes. But officially, I did it for the money!
- Sideshow Bob: I'm telling you Cecil, I can't take much more of this. Rustic workmen have turned the sani-john into a smoke house, coveralls that don't quite 'cover all', and a psychotic little boy who will not stop hounding me!
- Krusty the Klown: Free comedy tip, slick: the pie gag's only funny when the sap's got dignity - like that guy! Hey Hal, pie job for Lord Autumnbottom, there!
- [trying to escape from Bob, Bart and Lisa run into the dam's turbine room]
- Sideshow Bob: Be careful! There's hydroelectricity in there!
- Sideshow Bob: [sharing a cell with Cecil] I'm older, I get the top bunk.
- Cecil Terwilliger: Oh, poppycock, I called it at the arraignment.
- [Bob pushes Cecil to the ground and lies on the bunk with a pleased smile]
- Cecil Terwilliger: [standing up, he brushes himself off] So, when do they bring us the menus?
- Sideshow Bob: Will you children stop tormenting me? I've done nothing wrong.
- Bart: Give it up, bob - we found the money!
- [shows Bob a suitcase full of money]
- Sideshow Bob: Where did that come from? I've never seen that money before in my life.
- Lisa: Then you must have had your eyes closed when you embezzled it!
- Cecil Terwilliger: There it is! The future sight of the Springfield hydro-electric dam.
- Sideshow Bob: Just the thought of all that raw surging power makes me wonder why the hell I should care.
- Sideshow Bob: [Marge opens the front door] Madam, you're children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
- Homer: Lisa too?
- Sideshow Bob: Especially Lisa! But especially Bart.
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, Cousin Merle, really!
- Cecil Terwilliger: Temper, temper... You know Cousin Merle ain't been quite right lately.