- Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are going to go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones.
- Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
- Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
- Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours, Springfield!
- Joey Ramone: One, two, three, four!
- [the Ramones start playing a tune and singing "Happy Birthday"]
- Joey Ramone: Happy birthday to you!
- Johnny Ramone, Christopher Ward: Happy birthday!
- Joey Ramone: Happy birthday to you!
- Johnny Ramone, Christopher Ward: Happy birthday!
- Joey Ramone: Happy birthday, Burnsey! Happy birthday...
- Joey Ramone, Johnny Ramone, Christopher Ward: ...to you!
- Christopher Ward: Go to hell, you old bastard!
- Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us.
- Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
- Smithers: But sir, those aren't the...
- Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
- [Homer sits down in the middle of the night to eat cheese]
- Homer: Mmmm. Sixty-four slices of American Cheese...
- [begins eating]
- Homer: ...sixty-four... sixty-three...
- [morning comes, Homer is still eating]
- Homer: Two... one...
- [Marge walks in]
- Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
- Homer: I think I'm blind.
- [Mr. Burns and Smithers, who are using suction cups, fall off the kitchen roof in front of Homer and Marge, having spent all night watching Homer]
- Marge: [gasps]
- Homer: What...?
- Mr. Burns: Good day to you.
- [he and Smithers quickly leave]
- Smithers: Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word "suckers" in it.
- [as the line files into Burns's birthday party, the people passing the guard include Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon, and then...]
- Security Guard: [grabs George Bush] Hey! No one-termers.
- [he shoves Bush out of line]
- Jimmy Carter: You too, huh? Hey, I know a good yogurt place.
- George H. W. Bush: Get away from me, loser.
- Clifford Burns: Oh well. At least we still have his little brother George.
- George Burns: [singing] Buh-buh-buh. Oh the sunshine's bright on my old Kentucky home. Buh-buh-buh.
- [Ends singing]
- George Burns: Trust me, it'll be funny when I'm an old man.
- Mr. Burns: [after Homer refused to give up Bobo] As you can see, Simpson, I've taken all 78 channels and you won't see any of your favorite shows again until you give in!
- Otto: Whoa, that bites.
- Patty Bouvier: Holy crap!
- [Homer gasps]
- Mr. Burns: What's that you say? You can live without television as long as you have beer?
- Homer: [defiantly] That's right.
- Mr. Burns: Wrong. All beer trucks heading towards Springfield have been diverted. This town will be as dry as a bone! And if the rest of you beer-swilling tube jockeys out there have a problem with this, talk to Homer Simpson.
- [laughs maniacally; the doorbell rings and Homer answers the door, seeing Barney brandishing a revolver]
- Barney Gumble: Homer, give him what he wants!
- Homer: Oh, Barney, leave me alone.
- Barney Gumble: Whoops!
- [the gun discharges, breaking a window and causing a woman to scream in horror; as police sirens are heard]
- Barney Gumble: Uh-oh.
- [the episode ends with Springfield taking place during the year 1,000,000 AD; the scene reveals Mr. Burns as a robotic creature with his head in a jar]
- Mr. Burns: [retrieving Bobo from one of the monkeys] Bobo, I know I say this every century, but I'll never leave you behind again.
- [Mr. Burns runs off while Smithers, as a robotic dog with his head on it, proceeds to follow him straight into the sun]
- Smithers: Wait for me, sir!
- Ice Delivery Man: You've gotta start selling this for more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition!
- Apu: If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.