- Mark Hamill: Homer, use the for...
- Homer: The Force?
- Mark Hamill: The forks, use the forks!
- Homer: Oh...
- Mark Hamill: Hey, pal, that's my face up there next to the pepper steak, and don't you forget it.
- Louie: You're all talk, Hamill. You never even finished Jedi school.
- [Homer uncovers a scheme to supply low-grade milk to the school]
- Homer: They're milking rats! Milking rats!
- Mayor Quimby: [to Fat Tony] Rats? I'm outraged. You promised me dog or higher.
- Mark Hamill: [singing to the tune of "Luck Be a Lady", dressed as Luke Skywalker] Luke, be a Jedi tonight. Just be a Jedi tonight. Do it for Yoda while we serve our guests some soda. And... uh... do it for Chewie and the Ewoks. And all the other puppets. Luke, be a Jedi tonight.
- Homer: Mayor? Fat Tony asked me to give you this.
- [Homer grabs Mayor Quimby and kisses him]
- Mayor Qumby: You moron! That's the kiss of death!
- Homer: Oh, no! Wait, maybe I didn't do it right!
- [Homer is driving Mayor Quimby's limo]
- Mayor Quimby: Just remember... you represent the office of the mayor. So always comport yourself in a manner befitting - quick! Honk at that broad!
- Bodyguard: Who's going to protect you?
- Mayor Quimby: [points to Homer] HIM.
- Homer: WOOHOO!
- Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just...
- Homer: I said "WOO. HOO."
- Leavelle: Okay, listen up. My goal is to assassinate that watermelon. Your job is to take the bullet. Go!
- [Homer runs for the watermelon]
- Leavelle: Go, go go! Pow!
- [Homer dives in front of the watermelon]
- Homer: Nooo.
- Leavelle: Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "NOOO!". You gotta sell it. Remember, your "NOOO!" is what gets you your next job. Now drop and give me 20.
- Homer: NOOOOOOO!
- Leavelle: Better.
- Mark Hamill: Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see here, you stand up to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.
- Database: Aw, talk about Star Wars.
- Crowd: Yeah, Yeah!
- Homer: You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long distance!
- Homer: Password.
- Bart: We just want to get a snack from the fridge.
- Homer: Access denied!
- Bart, Lisa: But Da...
- [Homer uses a sleeper hold on Bart and Lisa, knocking them out]
- Marge: Homer! I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children!
- Homer: They be OK in half an hour.
- Marge: And another thing, I asked you to take out the garbage three days agos and it's still... ngghhh.
- [Homer uses his sleeper hold on Marge]
- Homer: [Homer looks at his watch] Hmm, dinner isn't for another half hour. Gahhh!
- [Homer uses his sleeper hold on himself and bangs his head on the dinner table while falling to the floor]
- [about to watch dinner theater]
- Ned Flanders: Dear Lord, please let tonight's production be better than Othello starring Peter Marshall.
- Mark Hamill: Homer, use the forrr...
- Homer: The force?
- Mark Hamill: The forks. Use the forks.
- Homer: Oh.