The Simpsons (TV Series)

Marge vs. the Monorail (1993)

Harry Shearer: Montgomery Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Lanley Institute Commercial Voice-Over, Kent Brockman, Rev. Lovejoy, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny, Otto, Judge Snyder, Sebastian Cobb

Quotes 

• Montgomery Burns : [very badly disguised with a fake moustache]  Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh... someplace far away.

  Montgomery Burns : [to himself]  Yes, that'll do.

  Montgomery Burns : [back to Mayor Quimby]  Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.

  Waylon Smithers : I like the way Snrub thinks.

  [everyone looks suspiciously at Mr. Burns, then Smithers fires a rope a the roof, helping Mr. Burns to escape] 

• Lyle Lanely : [begins to chant rhythmically]  Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bona-fide, electrified, six-car monorail! What'd I say?

  [points at Ned Flanders] 

  Ned Flanders : Monorail!

  Lyle Lanely : What's it called?

  Patty Bouvier , Selma Bouvier : Monorail.

  Lyle Lanely : That's right, monorail!

  [runs up to the stage, the crowd begins chanting] 

  Crowd : Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.

  [continues underneath those who speak] 

  Miss Hoover : I hear those things are awfully loud.

  Lyle Lanely : [playing the piano on stage]  It glides as softly as a cloud.

  Apu : Is there a chance the track could bend?

  Lyle Lanely : Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

  Barney Gumble : What about us brain-dead slobs?

  Lyle Lanely : You'll be given cushy jobs.

  Grampa Simpson : Were you sent here by the devil?

  Lyle Lanely : No, good sir, I'm on the level.

  Chief Wiggum : The ring came off my pudding can.

  Lyle Lanely : Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear, it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

  Crowd : [singing]  Monorail...

  Lyle Lanely : [speaking]  What's it called?

  Crowd : [singing]  Monorail...

  Lyle Lanely : Once again!

  Crowd : [still singing]  Monoraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!

• Sebastian Kobb : [showing Marge North Haverbrook's monorail]  This is all that's left of one of the crappiest trains ever built.

  Marge Simpson : [worried]  Mr Kobb, what can we do?

  Sebastian Kobb : You just better have a damn good conductor.

  [cuts to the monorail where Homer is clattering a metal wire over the monorail door] 

  Homer : Ohh, I locked my keys in there!

  [to Bart] 

  Homer : Get a rock.

• Mayor Quimby : Order! Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.

  Homer : Get to the money!

  Mayor Quimby : In a moment. First, let's review the minutes from our last meeting.

  Apu : Get to the money!

  Rev. Lovejoy : Get to the money!

  Grampa Simpson : Get to the moneeey!

  Mayor Quimby : Very well. We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the $2 million.

  Lisa Simpson : Don't you mean $3 million?

  Mayor Quimby : ...Of course. How silly of me.

• Sebastian Kobb : [to Homer, over radio]  I think I have a way to stop the train. You need to find an anchor of some sort.

  [Homer looks at Bart, and imagines him as an anchor] 

  Bart : Think harder, Homer.

• TV announcer : Coming soon, it's "Truckasaurus: The Movie", starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.

  John Truckasaurus : You crazy car, I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you.

  [beat] 

  TV disclaimer : Celebrity voice impersonated.

• Judge Snyder : Mr. Burns, in light of your unbelievable contempt for human life, this court fines you $3million.

  Montgomery Burns : Smithers, my wallet's in my right front pocket.

  [Smithers hands over the money] 

  Montgomery Burns : Oh, and I'll take that statue of justice too.

  Judge Snyder : Sold!

• Kent Brockman : [to the TV camera]  Here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest day at the Betty Ford Clinic.

  [to Lurleen] 

  Kent Brockman : What you been up to Lurleen?

  Lurleen Lumpkin : I spent last night in the ditch.

  Kent Brockman : [to the TV camera]  How about that, folks?