The Simpsons (TV Series)

Little Girl in the Big Ten (2002)

Pamela Hayden: Carrie, Wendell, Milhouse Van Houten, Janey

Quotes 

• [In order to go to College, Lisa convinced two College girls that her house is an off-campus dorm] 

  Tina : Hey, Lisa. Where've you been?

  Lisa : In heaven.

  Carrie : I love her. She's such a free spirit.

  Tina : She has to be, where she lives. That place had a Manson Family vibe...

• Carrie : Need a ride back to campus?

  Lisa : Campus?

  [seeing the bumper sticker and parking decal on their car] 

  Lisa : You guys are college students!

  Carrie : Yeah, but with our small gymnast bodies, everyone always thinks we're way younger.

  Tina : Aren't you in college?

  Lisa : [covering]  Um... of course. Where do you think I go, baby school?

• Anthro Lecturer : [showing his class an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon]  So, what does this cartoon "mean"?

  Tina : It shows how the depletion of our natural resources has pitted our small farmers against each other.

  Anthro Lecturer : Yes, and birds go "tweet". What else?

  Milhouse Van Houten : Hey, mister, put the cartoon back on.

  Anthro Lecturer : I'm sorry, boys. We don't allow children in this class.

  Milhouse Van Houten : What about Lisa? She's only 8.

  Tina : [murmurs from the class]  Lisa, did you lie to us?

  Lisa : Well, I just wanted to belong. For once, I felt I was with intellectual equals.

  Carrie : I can't believe I cheated off an 8-year-old.

  Lisa : [crying, she leaves]  I guess we won't be biking through Italy.

  Carrie : She's worse than that 80-year-old who pretended to be a freshman.

  Hans Moleman : I just wanted a place to sit down.

• [just as Carrie and Tina drop Lisa at home, beer keg crashes through the front window] 

  Homer Simpson : Hey, where's my keg?

  Lisa : Mm. Mom's not gonna like that.

  Carrie : Who's Mom?

  Lisa : Uh, that's what we call the gay guy who lives with us.

• Milhouse Van Houten : [noticing her sneak away from school]  That young adult looks like Lisa. Huh? That young adult *is* Lisa!

  Martin Prince : [with Database, hanging on a fence by their underwear]  She's up to something private.

  Database : Ahh, let's go spy on her.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [they try to free themselves]  I'll get you down. Bite these pencils.

  [with some effort, he pulls them down] 

  Database : [rolling around in pain]  This is the life we chose.

• Kearney : Give me your lunch money!

  Wendell : But it's after lunch.

  Kearney : It's just an expression. Like, "kick your butt" could involve no kicking whatsoever.

  Bart Simpson : Never fear, the Sphere is here!

  [he gets between the bullies and the nerds] 

  Kearney : That's it, Simpson. I'm gonna kick you right in the ball.

• Carrie : So, what dorm do you live in?

  Lisa : Actually, I'm off-campus. I, um, share a house with a couple of girls, a couple of guys.

  Carrie : Guys, huh? Are they cute?

  Lisa : Well, Bart's kind of... no!

• Carrie : Hey, you doing anything tomorrow night? Robert Pinsky's reading at Cafe Kafka.

  Lisa : Robert Pinsky? The former Poet Laureate?

  Tina : It's gonna be great. The three of us could share a scone.

  Lisa : Non-dairy?

  Carrie , Tina : Duh.

• Lisa : You're reading "Gravity's Rainbow"?

  Tina : Re-reading.

  Carrie : Sorry, what are you guys talking about? I was making fractals.

  Lisa : [thinking]  These girls are brilliant. I've finally found kids I can relate to.

  [out loud] 

  Lisa : You guys are so cool. I can't believe I never met you before.

  Tina : Well, I'm Tina, and this is Carrie.

  Carrie : Maybe we can hang out together.

  Lisa : Oh, I'd love to.

  Lugash : [coming in]  You girls were all great. Cats back for everyone.

  Tina : I had a dog.

  Lugash : Is cat now!