The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Substitute (1991)

Harry Shearer: Principal Skinner

Quotes 

• Principal Skinner : Are you the substitute?

  Mr. Bergstrom : Yessir, yes I aim.

  Principal Skinner : Are you insane?

  Mr. Bergstrom : [lowers voice]  Uh, no sir, no I'm not. It's my way of getting their attention.

• Miss Hoover : Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.

  Ralph : What's Lyme disease?

  Principal Skinner : I'll field that one.

  [goes to blackboard] 

  Principal Skinner : Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called 'ticks'.

  [writes 'TICKS' on blackboard] 

  Principal Skinner : When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood...

  Miss Hoover : [not calmed]  Oh...

  Principal Skinner : Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.

  Miss Hoover : The brain? Oh, dear God...

  Class : Wow.