The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Sax (1997)

Harry Shearer: Movie Announcer, Skinner, Man in 'Twin Peaks', Dr. Hibbert, J. Loren Pryor, Voice in Homer's Noble Prize Image, Kent Brockman, Ned Flanders, 'Fruitopia' Announcer

Quotes 

• Man in "Twin Peaks" : That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.

  [on TV we see The Giant dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree] 

  Homer Simpson : Brilliant.

  [chuckles] 

  Homer Simpson : I have absolutley no idea what's going on.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did!

  [presents Homer with a very morbid drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : [faking excitement, watching TV]  Oh, it's beautiful! Oh, oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge!

  Marge Simpson : Homer, stop. Will you please look at the drawing?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, all right. What...

  [looks at drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : ...AAAH! Burn it! Send it to hell!

  Marge Simpson : I think we're going to have to get Bart some help.

  Homer Simpson : [cringing]  Get it away!

• [meeting with Homer and Marge about Bart's problems in kindergarten] 

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Public school can be intimidating to a young child, particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son.

  Marge Simpson : Bart's gay?

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Bart?

  [looks at the file] 

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Ah, whoo, wrong file.

  [puts the file, labeled "Milhouse Van Houten," back] 

• [Bart discovers he can make kids laugh, and puts on a show for the Kindergarteners] 

  Bart Simpson : [singing]  Skinner is a nut, he has a rubber butt!

  Principal Skinner : [appearing from behind a tree]  Young man, I can assure you my posterior is nothing more than flesh, bone, and... that metal plate I got in 'Nam.

  Bart Simpson : [gulps] 

  Principal Skinner : Now, I want you to knock off that potty talk right now!

  Bart Simpson : [laughing]  The principal said potty!

  [the kids laugh. Skinner shudders in frustration] 

  Principal Skinner : You listen to me, son. You just started school, and the path you choose now may be the one you follow for the rest of your life! Now, what did you say?

  Bart Simpson : [looks at Skinner, then at Jimbo. It is his moment of truth]  Eat my shorts!

  Principal Skinner : All right, I'll ea... eat your shorts?

  Bart Simpson : That's right, eat my shorts!

  [singing to "Batman" theme] 

  Bart Simpson : Buttman! Na na na na na na na na, Buttman!

• Music Store Clerk : Would you like an inscription, sir?

  Homer Simpson : Yes. To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves -

  [accidentally drops the saxophone] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

  Homer Simpson : [in the present]  And that inscription is still here today!

  [inscription of flattened saxophone says, "To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves d'oh!"] 

• Principal Skinner : Hello, everybody and welcome to Springfield Elementary. I'm Principal Sinner.

  [realizing his mistake] 

  Principal Skinner : Uh, uh, uh Skinner.

  [the children laugh] 

  Principal Skinner : Well, that's it. I've lost them forever.

• Bart : Skinner is a nut, he has a rubber butt!

  Principal Skinner : Young man, I can assure you my posterior is nothing more than flesh, bone, and that metal plate I got in 'Nam.