The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Sax (1997)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Announcer, Michigan J. Frog, Grampa, Groundskeeper Willy, Barney, Music Store Owner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me.

  Grampa Simpson : [in Homer's mind, as he remembers]  Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!

  Homer Simpson : Lousy traumatic childhood!

• Homer : Hey boy. Wanna play catch?

  Bart : No thanks dad.

  Homer : When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.

  Grampa : I'll play catch with you.

  Homer : Go home.

• Man in "Twin Peaks" : That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.

  [on TV we see The Giant dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree] 

  Homer Simpson : Brilliant.

  [chuckles] 

  Homer Simpson : I have absolutley no idea what's going on.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did!

  [presents Homer with a very morbid drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : [faking excitement, watching TV]  Oh, it's beautiful! Oh, oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge!

  Marge Simpson : Homer, stop. Will you please look at the drawing?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, all right. What...

  [looks at drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : ...AAAH! Burn it! Send it to hell!

  Marge Simpson : I think we're going to have to get Bart some help.

  Homer Simpson : [cringing]  Get it away!

• Marge : There must be something we can do to encourage Lisa's gift. An art class. Ballet lessons. They have fun things to do at the museum on Saturday.

  Homer : Whoa, whoa, Marge. I'm not spending my Saturdays at a museum. Unless... museums don't have foosball do they?

  [in Homer's mind, he's playing against the Statue of David and wins] 

  Homer : You lose, Michaelangelo's David! Who's next?

  The Scream : [Edvard Munch's The Scream runs out]  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

• Homer Simpson : Our family was suffering its worst crisis ever. Bart was miserable at school, and Lisa's gifts were going to waste.

  Bart Simpson : Uh, Homer, its five years later and I'm still miserable at school.

  Lisa Simpson : And my gifts are still going to waste!

  Marge Simpson : And sometimes I just feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream till my lungs explode!

• Music Store Clerk : Would you like an inscription, sir?

  Homer Simpson : Yes. To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves -

  [accidentally drops the saxophone] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

  Homer Simpson : [in the present]  And that inscription is still here today!

  [inscription of flattened saxophone says, "To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves d'oh!"] 

• Homer Simpson : Boy, the way the Bee Gees played...

  Marge : Movies John Travolta made...

  Homer Simpson : Guessing how much Elvis weighed...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Those were the days!

  Marge : And you knew where you were then...

  Homer Simpson : Watching shows like Gentle Ben...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again!

  Homer Simpson : Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac...

  Marge : Coming out of my eight-track...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Michael Jackson still was black... those were the days!

  [later on in episode] 

  Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling might blue...

  Marge : It's a shame what school can do...

  Apu : For no reason here's Apu!

  Homer Simpson , Marge , Apu : Those were the days!

• Homer Simpson : Oh, my father gave me beer as a child.'Til wrapped my little red wagon around a tree.

  Barney Gumble : [Flashback to Homer and Barney as boys]  Let's never drink again.

  Homer Simpson : [Flashback to the present, Homer has a Duff beer in his hand]  And we never did.

  [Drinks it] 

• Marge Simpson : Well, Grandpa, as long as you're here, we were telling a story that took place when Bart was five, and Lisa was three.

  Grampa Simpson : Oh, I know this story! The year was nineteen-ought-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart. And all over America, people were doin' a dance called the "Funky Grandpa"!

  [sings] 

  Grampa Simpson : Oh... I'm... the...

  [falls asleep standing up] 

• Marge : You know, Homer, there's $200 in the air conditioning account.

  Homer : Oh Marge! Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig?

  Bart : Not to mention eating like a pig and dressing like a pig.

  Apu : Don't forget the smell.

  Homer : Will you get off of my lawn?

  Apu : Why don't you make me?

  Homer : Why, you...! Oh, forget it.

• Homer Simpson : Bart son, do you want to play catch?

  Bart Simpson : No.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, when a boy doesn't wanna play catch with his old man, something is seriously wrong.

  Grampa Simpson : I'll play catch with you, son.

  Homer Simpson : Get the hell out!

  Grampa Simpson : I'm gone.

• Marge Simpson : And so, just as things looked their worst...

  Grampa Simpson : I realized I could make money selling my medication to dead-heads!

  Marge Simpson : Grandpa, what are you talking about?

  Grampa Simpson : Ohh... nothing.

• [to the tune of the "All in the Family" theme song] 

  Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling mighty blue,

  Marge Simpson : It's asham what school can do,

  Apu : For no reason here's Apu,

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Apu : Those were the days!