The Simpsons (TV Series)
Lisa the Vegetarian (1995)
Dan Castellaneta: Grampa Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lord Thistlewick Flanders, Groundskeeper Willie, Itchy, Barney Gumble
Quotes
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Homer : Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge : Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa : Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart : You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer : Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge : Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer : Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge : Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer : Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart : Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer : Bart, go to your room.
Lisa : Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer : I don't need any serving suggestions from you! You barbeque-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
Lisa : That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am out of here!
[leaves and slams the door]
Homer : That's it! Go to your room!
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[Homer and Bart are chasing the rolling rotisserie pig. It rolls through some bushes]
Homer : It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
[the cart falls off the edge of a drainage culvert, and the pig floats down the stream]
Homer : It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
[the pig reaches a dam at the end of the stream and plugs the drain hole. The water pressure builds up behind it, until it launches out of the hole into the air]
Homer : It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart : It's gone.
Homer : I know.
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[Homer fills the grill with lighter fluid and prepares to grill]
Lisa : Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don't have to eat meat! I've got enough gazpacho for everyone.
[Crowd murmurs]
Lisa : It's tomato soup, served ice cold!
[Crowd laughs out loud as Lisa growls and stomps off]
Barney Gumble : Go back to Russia!
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Homer : Lisa! Lisa! Come back before everyone finds out what a horrible father I am.
Lisa : Hi dad. Looking for me?
Homer : I don't know. You looking for me?
Lisa : I don't know.
Homer : Ohhhh. Lisa. I was looking for you. I wanted to apologize. I don't know exactly what went wrong but it's always my fault.
Lisa : Actually Dad, this time, I was wrong...
Homer : Oooh!
Lisa : ...too.
Homer : Ohh.
Lisa : While I was gone I got some really good advice from Paul and Linda McCartney.
Homer : Rock stars. Is there anything they don't know?
Lisa : I still stand by my beliefs. But I can't defend what I did. I'm sorry I messed up your barbeque.
Homer : I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid. Come on, I'll give you a piggyback... I mean a veggieback ride home.
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Lisa : I never realized before, but some Itchy & Scratchy cartoons send the message that violence against animals is funny.
Bart : They what? Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa.
[moves toward door]
Bart : They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.
[Bart gets slammed behind the door by Homer]
Homer : Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa : [reading the invitation] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart : What's that extra B for?
Homer : It's a typo.
Lisa : Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?
Homer : All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Bart : [musically] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Bart , Homer : You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Bart , Homer , Marge : You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Lisa : Mom!
Marge : I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.
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Principal Skinner : Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Groundskeeper Willie : I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself.
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[Homer is scanning the sky with binoculars, looking for his pig]
Bart : Give it up, Dad. Piggy ain't coming back.
[Homer growls and throws the binoculars into the garbage]
Homer : Lisa! You ruined my barbeque! I demand you apologize this second!
Lisa : I'm never ever apologizing because I was standing up for a just cause and you were wrong, wrong, wrong! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to my room!
Homer : That's it! Go to your room!
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Homer : [to Lisa] You stupid know-nothing know-it-all.
