The Simpsons (TV Series)

King Size Homer (1995)

Hank Azaria: Carl, Pig, Dr. Nick Riviera, Farmer, Man in Soap Opera, Movie Theatre Manager, Bystander, Worker #1, Worker #3

Quotes 

• Dr. Nick : Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use pop tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.

  Bart : You could brush your teeth with milkshakes.

  Dr. Nick : Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

• [Homer arrives at a movie theater] 

  Homer Simpson : One for "Honk", please.

  Ticket Dealer : Oh. Gee, uh, just a minute. I have to check with the manager.

  Ticket Dealer : [to manager, referring to Homer]  That overweight guy wants to see the movie.

  Manager : I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid our facilities are not equipped to meet your needs.

  Homer Simpson : What are you talking about?

  Manager : What I'm saying, sir, is that a man of your carriage couldn't possibly fit in our seats.

  Homer Simpson : I can sit in the aisle.

  Manager : I'm afraid that would violate the fire code.

  Bystander : Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!

  [the rapidly-assembling crowd laughs] 

  Homer Simpson : Shame on all of you. Give me my dignity! I just came here tosee Honk If You're Horny in peace.

  Manager : Sir, if you'd just quiet down, I'd be happy to treat you to a garbage bag full of popcorn.

  Homer Simpson : This may surprise you, but you can't buy me off with food. I'm sick of all your stereotypes and cheap jokes! The overweight individuals in this country are just as smart and talented and hard working as everybody else. And they're going to make their voices heard! All they need is a leader.

• [trying to get out of work] 

  Homer : Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?

  Carl : He's at home on disability.

  Lenny : Yeah, he got injured on the job and they just sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.

  Homer : Stupidity, eh?

• [Homer is walking down the street, hitchhiking with a sign that says "Give me a ride or everybody dies"] 

  Homer Simpson : [a car approaches Homer]  Hey, buddy, you gotta slow your car down and let me in, because I'm a big fat guy and I can't go anywhere! Because there could be some poison gas, I... I mean there's really going to be poison gas, and everybody's going to be dead, especially me!

  Homer Simpson : [the driver takes off]  D'oh!

  Homer Simpson : [an ice cream truck approaches Homer]  Hey, buddy, you got to let me in your car...

  Ice Cream Truck Driver : [frightened]  Take anything you want, man! Take it all!

• Farmer : [Homer vents radioactive gas onto a cornfield, killing half the crops]  Oh, no! The corn! Paul Newman's gonna have my legs broke!

• Man : [looking at the roof of the ice cream truck after it flipped over]  I can't choose without the pictures.

• [Homer's computer is flashing the words "explosion imminent"] 

  Homer Simpson : "Explosion imminent?"

  [scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh my God! The plant's gonna explode!

  [at the nuclear power plant, where Lenny and Carl are walking past the rumbling tank] 

  Carl : Hey, that thing's going kaka cuckoo.

  Lenny : Who cares? It's Homer's problem.

  Homer Simpson : Wait, I know:

  [types] 

  Homer Simpson : vent gas.

  [reads screen] 

  Homer Simpson : "Pressure too high?" "Tank must be shut down manually?"

  [to drinking bird] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge!

  [he briefly yanks it] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, who am I kidding? This is all my fault!