The Simpsons (TV Series)

Kamp Krusty (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Teacher, Groundskeeper Willie, Krusty the Klown, Martin's Dad, Wimbledon Commentator, Barney Gumble, Queen's Butler, TV Voice, News Reporter #1

Quotes 

• Kent Brockman : [Kent Brockman is covering a summer camp mutiny]  Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

  Campers : [Burning Krusty in effigy]  Burn, Krusty, burn! Burn, Krusty, burn!

  Kent Brockman : A group of school-aged Spartacuses has taken this camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.

  Kent Brockman : What's that? I'm being told I can have an exclusive interview with the ringleader.

  Homer : [Camera shows the Camp Bart flag; Homer's thinking]  Don't be the boy. Don't be the boy.

  Homer : [Camera shows Bart as the ringleader]  D'oh!

  [Homer loses the hair that grew back and regains the weight he lost while the kids were away] 

• Krusty the Clown : Get ready for two weeks at the happiest place on earth... Tijuana!

• Homer : Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

• Bart : That's Not Krusty the Klown!

  Mr. Black : What do you think, I just slapped a clown suit on some wino?

  [laughs weakly] 

  Barney Gumble : Yeah Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown!

  [belches] 

• Bart : How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.

  Krusty the Clown : [loud sobbing]  Oh! They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house. I'm not made of stone!

• Marge Simpson : Homer, do you remember the promise you made to the kids at the beginning of the school year?

  Homer : Sure do! "When you're eighteen, you're out the door!"

• Bart : This camp was a nightmare. They fed us gruel, forced us to make wallets for export and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!

  Krusty the Clown : Oh, my god!

  Bart : Actually, the bear just ate his hat.

  Krusty the Clown : Was it a nice hat?

  Bart : Oh yeah.

  Krusty the Clown : Oh, my god!

• Bart : All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from those Krusty Brand vitamins, my Krusty calculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions, but this time he's gone too far! We want Krusty!

  Campers : We want Krusty! We want Krusty!

  Barney Gumble : Yeah, we want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!

• Krusty the Clown : I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!

  Lisa : Oh, yeah? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom "President Clown"?

  Krusty the Clown : I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.

• Krusty the Clown : Kamp Krusty is built on an ancient Indian burial ground. We've got archery, wallet-making, the whole megillah! And for all you fat kids, my exclusive program of diet and ridicule will really get results!

• Mr. Prince : We'll see you when you get back from image enhancement camp.

  Martin Prince : Spare me your euphemisms! It's fat camp, for Daddy's chubby little secret!

  Mr. Prince : You promised you wouldn't make a scene.

• Teacher : [the bell rings to end the school year; a teacher appears out of nowhere]  Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended.

  [the students turn back to look at him] 

  Teacher : WE WON!

  Students : [high fiving and pumping fists]  YAYYY! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

  [several begin turning over a car] 

• Marge Simpson : [looking through Bart's luggage]  Bart, where are your bathing trunks?

  Bart : I'm gonna swim nekkid!

  Marge Simpson : What?

  Bart : Ah, sure, there'll be some uptight counselors there who won't dig the Bart Philosophy. But I believe the human body is a thing of beauty...

  Homer : [enters in his underwear]  Marge, am I crazy, or is my back getting hairier?

• Homer : A plus? You don't think much of me, do you boy?

  [looking at Bart's forged report card] 

  Bart : No, sir.

• Marge Simpson : Bart, where's your bathing suit?

  Bart : I'm gonna swim naked.

  Marge Simpson : You're what?

  Bart : Aw, sure, there'll be a couple of up-tight counselors who won't dig the Bart philosophy, but I feel the human body is a thing of beauty.

  [Homer walks into theroom wearing nothing but underwear] 

  Homer : Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?