The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer the Great (1995)

Harry Shearer: Lenny, Dr. Hibbert, Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns, Founding Father, Jack Nicholson, George H. W. Bush

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lenny : There are only two ways to gain membership: be the son of a Stonecutter...

  Homer Simpson : Next...?

  Lenny : Or, save the life of a Stonecutter.

  [starts to eat a sandwich] 

  Homer Simpson : Hey!

  [grabs the sandwich and stomps on it] 

  Homer Simpson : I saved your life! That egg sandwich could've killed you by cholesterol.

  Lenny : Pfft, forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human bloodstream.

  Homer Simpson : So, one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?

  Lenny : Aw, you've got it all wrong, Homer. It's not like that.

  [tries to gesture to a creeping man in an egg costume nearby, who runs away after Homer sees him] 

  Homer Simpson : YOU'D BETTER RUN, EGG!

• Homer Simpson : [being stripped of his Stonecutter robes after inadvertently destroying the Sacred Parchment]  Please don't kick me out. This society is everything to me! Please give me another chance! I've learned my lesson! I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON!

  [as he's shouting, he bangs on the Sacred Parchment, ripping it] 

  Stonecutter : That's it! How can we punish him further?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, sorry.

  Number One : Homer Simpson, for your continuing and *baffling* desecration of our beloved Sacred Parchment, you are hereby banished from the Stonecutters forever! And as a final humiliation, you must walk home naked, dragging behind you the Stone of Shame.

  [Homer has a collar attached to him with a large boulder behind him. The other Stonecutters gasp at a mark on Homer's side] 

  Dr. Hibbert : The mark!

  Homer Simpson : Oh, that's just a birthmark and I'll thank you not to stare!

  Moe Szyslak : He's the Chosen One!

  [they all bow before him] 

  Number One : You are the Chosen One, whom the Sacred Parchment prophesied would lead us to glory! Now to the top of Mt. Springfield for the coronation! Remove the Stone of Shame.

  Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo!

  Number One : Attach the Stone of Triumph!

  Homer Simpson : [finds out the Stone of Triumph is twice the size of the Stone of Shame]  OHH!