The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass (2005)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• LeBron James : Omelets for dinner? This is the best day of my life!

  Lisa Simpson : Didn't you just sign a $90 million contract?

  LeBron James : That was a good day, too.

• Marge Simpson : Lisa, could you pass the salad?

  LeBron James : [taking the bowl]  And it's James with the steal!

  ["dunking" it through and hanging onto the chandelier, his weight breaks it and he crashes back to the table] 

  Marge Simpson : Who wants to help me clear the table?

  Ming Yao : [in Chinese]  I'm sorry, but I do not understand English.

  Lisa Simpson : Wait a second. I've read that you speak excellent English.

  Ming Yao : [quietly, switching languages]  Shut up, kid. I got a good thing going here.

• Homer Simpson : Honey, I bet you're wondering why Daddy's not at work again. The answer may surprise you. I have a new job choreographing end-zone dances for a professional football player.

  Lisa Simpson : Looks like all you're teaching is is obnoxiousness and poor sportsmanship.

  Homer Simpson : Don't forget showboating. That's the cornerstone of my Pyramid of Success.

  [indicating a Food Pyramid-type drawing on the wall] 

  Homer Simpson : Ooh, I forgot crotch-grabbing. That'll be the sun.

  [he draws a picture of the sun with "crotch-grabbing" inside and tapes it above the pyramid] 

• Lisa Simpson : I used to love Springfield Park, but it's gotten so run-down.

  Homer Simpson : [seeing a sign with certain faded letters]  Ohhh, the prid is gone!

• Marge Simpson : Everyone seemed so happy, but I'm surprised at Ned. He left out all the good times Cain and Abel had when they were growing up.

  Lisa Simpson : He's just being true to the Bible, which *is* pretty violent.

  Bart Simpson : And sexy. King David stole someone else's wife, Mary Magdalene was a hooker...

  Marge Simpson : Bart. How do you know these things?

  Bart Simpson : [holding up "The Bible for Wise-Asses"]  Eh, it's all in this book.