The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass (2005)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Rich Texan, Santa's Little Helper, Hans Moleman

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was!

• Homer Simpson : [being asked to produce the Super Bowl halftime show]  At last, my pathetic little life has a meaning.

  [giggling] 

  Homer Simpson : You suckers! I would've done it for free!

  Rich Texan : Fine, do it for free.

  Homer Simpson : Damn it! Well, I'll still do it.

  [chuckling] 

  Homer Simpson : Suckers. I would've paid you.

  Rich Texan : Fine, pay us.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, damn it! Will you take a check?

  Rich Texan : No!

  Homer Simpson : Damn it!

• Homer Simpson : I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.

• Homer Simpson : Welcome to the Homer Simpson Showboating Academy. Today, we're working on poor sportsmanship. First, I want you all to hurl a ball at the nearest authority figure.

  [two basketballs, a football, and an ice skate are thrown at him] 

  Homer Simpson : Nicely done.

• Homer Simpson : Honey, I bet you're wondering why Daddy's not at work again. The answer may surprise you. I have a new job choreographing end-zone dances for a professional football player.

  Lisa Simpson : Looks like all you're teaching is is obnoxiousness and poor sportsmanship.

  Homer Simpson : Don't forget showboating. That's the cornerstone of my Pyramid of Success.

  [indicating a Food Pyramid-type drawing on the wall] 

  Homer Simpson : Ooh, I forgot crotch-grabbing. That'll be the sun.

  [he draws a picture of the sun with "crotch-grabbing" inside and tapes it above the pyramid] 

• Homer Simpson : After you prance across the goal line, you hurl the other team's mascot to the ground and drive your cleats into his neck.

  [shaking his fist at the opposing team's leprechaun mascot] 

  Homer Simpson : You're going down, you potato-eatin' pansy!

• Principal Skinner : Step right up and bid on items donated by local businesses.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I only got $100. I better bid shrewdly.

  Principal Skinner : First up is this video camera.

  Homer Simpson : $100!

  Ned Flanders : $100.50!

  Principal Skinner : Sold!

  Homer Simpson : Damn it!

• Lisa Simpson : I used to love Springfield Park, but it's gotten so run-down.

  Homer Simpson : [seeing a sign with certain faded letters]  Ohhh, the prid is gone!

• LeBron James : Homer, this is LeBron James. The fans love my dunks, but they hate my dancing.

  [the crowd boos as he tries to dance] 

  Homer Simpson : I think I can fit you in.

  [going over a list of clients] 

  Homer Simpson : Let's see... Lenny, can I move you from Wednesday at noon to Sunday at 6:00?

  Lenny : Homer, you know that's when I play with neighborhood dogs.

  Homer Simpson : All right, all right, I'll work it out.