The Simpsons (TV Series)
Cape Feare (1993)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Laughing Cop, Wolves, Santa's Little Helper
Photos
Quotes
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[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]
FBI Man #1 : Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say "hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "hi".
Homer : Check!
FBI Man #1 : Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[Homer stares blankly]
FBI Man #1 : Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer : I gotcha.
FBI Man #1 : Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[again Homer stares blankly]
FBI Man #1 : [FBI men stare at each other]
[hours pass by]
FBI Man #1 : [frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer : No problem.
FBI Man #1 : [stepping hard on Homer's foot] Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer : [stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI man] I think he's talking to you.
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Blue-Haired Lawyer : What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?
Sideshow Bob : No, that's German
[unveils tattoo]
Sideshow Bob : for 'The Bart The'.
Woman on Parole Board : No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
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Homer : Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?
Bart : Yeah!
Lisa : Yeah!
Sideshow Bob : [underneath car] No!
Homer : Well, two against one!
[drives through cactus field]
Sideshow Bob : Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
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[Bart has difficulty sleeping, his bedroom door opens, a sharp knife appears and man charges into the room casting a scary shadow on the ceiling]
Homer : [holding a large knife upside-down] BARTYOUWANTSOMEBROWNIEBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?
Bart Simpson : [screames] AAAAAHHHHH!
Homer : [kneels down and scary shadow disappears] Come on, let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot.
Bart Simpson : [as Homer cuts the brownies] Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming into my room screaming and brandishing the butcher knife.
Homer : [stops cutting the brownies] Why?
[Homer looks at the large knife he is holding]
Homer : Oh, right. The *Sideshow Bob* thing, oh I'm sorry boy.
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room. Seconds later, Homer bursts into the room again wearing a white hockey mask and holding a switched on electric chainsaw, which he holds up]
Homer : BARTYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?
Bart Simpson : [screams louder] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Homer : [turning off the chainsaw and lifting the hockey mask] Oh, sorry. What am I thinking?
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room]
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[Homer receives a death threat letter written in blood]
Homer : Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me! Oh, wait, it's for Bart.
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Marge : You awful man! Stay away from my son!
Sideshow Bob : [menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
Homer : Oh, no!
Sideshow Bob : Wait a minute. That's no good.
[walks away, then runs back]
Sideshow Bob : Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.
Marge : No!
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Selma : Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
Blue-Haired Lawyer : How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now?
[a few people raise their hands]
Blue-Haired Lawyer : Be honest...
[everyone raises their hand; a man gasps when he notices Patty]
Patty : Ah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.
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Blue-Haired Lawyer : Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
Sideshow Bob : Bart Simpson?
[chuckles]
Sideshow Bob : The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole?
Parole Board Officer : Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole", when you could have said "pee-pee soaked heckhole."
Sideshow Bob : Cheerfully withdrawn.
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Marge : [looking at Bart's collection of death threats] Hmm, this one's done in different handwriting.
Homer Simpson : Oh, uh, I wrote that one, after Bart somehow put this tattoo on my butt.
[Homer drops his pants, revealing a "wide load" tattoo on his rear end. Everyone laughs]
Nelson : [outside the window] Ha ha!
Bart : But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis The Menace.
Homer Simpson : It's probably the person you least suspect.
Lisa : That's good, Dad.
Grampa : I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit! It's probably that evil Gavin MacLeod or George Guberlindsey.
Bart : Grandpa, Matlock's not real.
Grampa : Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
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[last lines]
Marge : [as the car pulls up in front of the house] It's so good to be home again.
Grampa Simpson : [who has somehow become a woman complete with long hair and lipstick, rushes towards the car] Look what happened without my pills!
Marge : [gasps] Bart! Run upstairs, get Grampa's medicine!
Jasper Beardly : [appears, dressed in his finest] Not so fast.
[Jasper takes his hat off and takes out a bunch of flowers and hands them to Abe]
Jasper Beardly : I wanna court this fair young maiden.
[the screen fades out in a heart shape and the credits roll]
Grampa Simpson : [to Jasper] There's something you should know about me.
Jasper Beardly : I've got Steve and Edie tickets.
Grampa Simpson : I'm all yours.
[Abe kisses Jasper]
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[alternate ending]
Jasper Beardly : [appears dressed in his finest] Not so fast.
[Jasper takes his hat off and offers a bunch of flowers to Abe]
Jasper Beardly : Hey, wait till the canoe.
[Abe and Jasper are in a canoe sailing down the river]
Jasper Beardly : [singing] It won't be a stylish marriage.
Grampa Simpson : [singing] We can't afford a carriage.
Jasper Beardly : [singing] But you'll look sweet.
Jasper Beardly : [singing] Upon the seat
Jasper Beardly , Grampa Simpson : [singing] of a bicycle built for two. Of a bicycle built for two.
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FBI Man #2 : We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Fear, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville.
Homer : Ooh! Ice Cream-Ville!
FBI Man #2 : No, Screamville.
Homer : AAH!
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FBI Man #1 : Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job, new identities.
Homer : Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!
[dissolve to Homer's daydream as a football player wearing old-fashioned leather uniforms while all the others wear modern football uniforms]
Announcer : Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last-second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver - 7, San Francisco - 56.
Homer : [back to reality] Woohoo!