The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart the Fink (1996)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : What are you gonna spend your money on, kids?

  Bart Simpson : There's a special on tacos down at the Tacomat: hundred tacos for a hundred dollars. I'm gonna get that.

  Lisa Simpson : I'm gonna contribute my money to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

  Marge Simpson : Tacos? Public broadcasting? I won't have you kids throwing your money away like that. You're both coming downtown with me and you're gonna put that money in the bank.

• Bart Simpson : Come on, Lis, Krusty doesn't want our attention anymore. Let's go worship somebody who has the guts to be a celebrity.

  Lisa Simpson : Yeah, Krusty doesn't wanna be a clown. He's happy just being another blue-collar bozo.

  Krusty the Clown : Meh.

  Bart Simpson : Krusty's tired of having phonies around pretending to be his friends. I'm sure he'll find plenty of people who'll like him for who he is.

  Krusty the Clown : Uh... it could happen. Nah, who needs friends? The incessant beep of the global positioning system is all the companionship I need.

  [taps the GPS box, which delivers a healthy electric shock] 

  Krusty the Clown : AAAARGH!

  [hurling the box over the side of the boat] 

  Krusty the Clown : Tell me where you are now, you bastard!

• Bart Simpson : [watching a news report of Krusty's arrest]  Krusty's my hero. How could I do this to him?

  Lisa Simpson : It is a tragedy for all us kids, but, Bart, you can't beat yourself up.

  Bart Simpson : Yeah. There'll be enough people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.

• Lisa Simpson : I got their new Thrifty Saver savings account. 2.3% annual interest instead of the normal 2.25. So a year from now, I'll have an extra nickel.

  Bart Simpson : I got the account where you get free customized checks. I chose the Hindenburg flip-book series.

  [flipping through the checks, he watches an image of the zeppelin catch fire] 

  Bart Simpson : Cool!

• Marge Simpson : You'll feel better knowing your money's in the hands of professionals.

  Clerk in Ape Mask : Ook, ook. Are you folks ready to go ape?

  Lisa Simpson : Mom?

  Marge Simpson : A professional in an ape mask is still a professional.

• Homer Simpson : [after spending the night in a haunted house]  Best night's sleep I ever had.

  Lisa Simpson : Their tap water tasted better than ours.

  Executor : Here you go. $100 each. The rest goes to Ann Landers, as was stipulated in your aunt's will.

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Lisa Simpson , Bart Simpson : Hmm?

  Executor : Oh, I'm sorry. I must have continued talking after you left the office. I do that sometimes.

  [laughing diabolically, he turns to leave] 

  Executor : Oh, my.

• Lisa Simpson : Bart, you're seeing Krusty everywhere because you want to tell him you're sorry for causing his death. Would it help if I told you you're not responsible for Krusty's death?

  Bart Simpson : Yes. Yes, it would.

  Lisa Simpson : Well, I can't. You'll just have to learn to live with your mental problem.

  Bart Simpson : Wait a minute. All those things I saw. There's a connection. The truck full of nets and buckets, the queasy guy, the lobsters... they all point to one thing. Follow me.

• Lisa Simpson : Hey, you've got a pacemaker scar just like Krusty.

  Bart Simpson : And Krusty's superfluous third nipple.

  Krusty the Clown : [groaning]  Can't you see I don't wanna be Krusty anymore? That's why I faked my death.

  Lisa Simpson : But we saw your plane crash.

  Krusty the Clown : Yeah, but I wasn't in it.

  [narrating over a flashback] 

  Krusty the Clown : Just before I hit the mountain, I jumped out of the plane into a carefully-placed net.

  [Krusty hits a rock, then lands on the net] 

  Bart Simpson : So, now that we've blown your cover, I guess you've gotta come back and do your show again.

  Lisa Simpson : [with a nervous giggle]  Or kill us.

• Captain McAllister : Ahoy there, minnows.

  Bart Simpson : [blowing up a Krusty balloon]  Ahoy. Have you seen this man?

  Captain McAllister : Arr, that's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels. Pete, ye got some customers!

  [a little person with a face like Krusty's comes out and starts dancing and playing his accordion] 

  Lisa Simpson : [Bart blows the balloon up some more]  No, we're looking for this man, Krusty the Clown.

  Captain McAllister : Mmm. Narr, narr, narr.

  Lisa Simpson : It's hopeless, Bart. We've searched up and down these docks, from pier one to that Pier 1 by pier 17.

  Bart Simpson : [as they leave, he notices a list of people from whom checks aren't accepted]  Lisa, look. A signature with stars around it, just like Krusty's.

  Lisa Simpson : Rory B. Bellows. Slip 8. Let's go.

  Captain McAllister : [as they leave, Bart flips a coin into Pete's cup]  Not a quarter. Darr, he'll be dancing for hours.

• Krusty the Clown : All right, I admit it. I miss the phonies, but that's all I miss. That and Shirley Jones and Marty Ingels' New Year's Eve party.

  Lisa Simpson : What about that great feeling you get from knowing you're better than regular people?

  Bart Simpson : What about being an illiterate TV clown who's still more respected than all the scientists, doctors, and educators in the country put together?

  Krusty the Clown : [throwing his anchor over]  Yeah! I'm not gonna let those guys hog all the respect while I'm out here in some stinking tub.

  [jumping into the water and swimming back to shore] 

  Krusty the Clown : That's just what those eggheads want. Well, forget it, Poindexter. 'Cause Krusty's back in town!

  Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Yay!

  Bart Simpson : [walking along the beach]  So, Krusty, what are you gonna do about your tax problem?

  Krusty the Clown : Don't sweat it. The life of Rory B. Bellows is insured for a surprisingly large amount.

  [his boat out in the water explodes]