The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart the Fink (1996)

Harry Shearer: New Account Opener, Kent Brockman, IRS Agent #1, Announcer, Jasper, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert

Quotes 

• [Krusty faces imprisonment after being revealed as a tax fraud] 

  Krusty the Clown : I can't go to jail. I got a swanky lifestyle. I'm used to the best.

  IRS Agent 1# : Krusty, this is America. We don't send our celebrities to jail. We're just going to garnish your salary.

  Krusty the Clown : *Garnish* my *celery*?

  IRS Agent 1# : Please, Krusty, no jokes.

  Krusty the Clown : Who's joking? Oy! Oh, I don't know what you're saying. It all sounds so crazy to me.

  IRS Agent #2 : It simply means we'll be taking part of your salary until your debt is repaid. Say, 75% for 40 years.

  Krusty the Clown : But I don't plan to live that long.

  IRS Agent 1# : [to his colleague]  Well, better make it 95%.

• Bart Simpson : [thinking he saw Krusty at the doctor's office]  Dr. Hibbert, who was that man?

  Dr. Hibbert : [chortling]  Now, Bart, telling you would violate the patient/doctor privilege, just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live.

  Jasper : What'd he say?

  Mrs. Glick : He said I'm next.

• Superintendent Chalmers : Well, I must say I've had a lovely evening, Agnes. I don't suppose I could come in for a cup of...

  Agnes Skinner : [the front door opens]  Seymour!

  Principal Skinner : Mother... Superintendent Chalmers!

  Superintendent Chalmers : Skinner!

  Principal Skinner : What I wouldn't give for something to interrupt this awkward moment.

  [Krusty flies by in his plane, bawling] 

  Principal Skinner : That'll do nicely.

• Auctioneer : Lot 67, 32 cartons of pornography.

  Jasper : Ten cents.

  Phone Bidder Proxy : 12!

  Auctioneer : 12 cents to our bidder in Japan. Any advance?

  Jasper : [sitting down]  Oh, all I brought is a dime. I didn't know there'd be pornography.

  Auctioneer : Sold for twelve cents!

  Krusty the Clown : [anguished]  Oh, my beloved pornography! I can't watch this anymore. I'm going to bed.

  Auctioneer : How much for Krusty's bed?

  Moe Szyslak : Half a buck!

  Auctioneer : Sold!