The Simpsons (TV Series)

A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Bart : Come on, Lise. There's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.

  Lisa Simpson : Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com, "badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots."

  Bart : [searching in a cabinet]  Hmm, stoats, stoats...

  Lisa Simpson : Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.

  Bart : [showing her a can]  Then what's this?

  Lisa Simpson : That says "corn," Bart.

  Bart : [checking]  Must you embarrass me?

• Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...

  [an automated voice dubs in "your town"] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.

  Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.

  Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.

  Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.

  Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"

  [opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?

  Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?

  Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing]  Of course you're not.

  Lenny : [the film ends]  Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.

• Marge Simpson : [after going shopping in Olde Springfield]  I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own kind.

  Lisa Simpson : Mom!

  Marge Simpson : They were looking at me... with their eyes.

• Lisa Simpson : If you ask me...

  Homer : Stop right there.

  Lisa Simpson : It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code. It would be like you and mom splitting up every time you have a fight.

  Homer : Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.

  Marge Simpson : That's not true!

  Homer : [spotting a paparazzo outside the kitchen]  Big grins!

  [kissing Marge's cheek as their picture is taken] 

  Homer : Mwah! That'll play great in the sticks.

  [finishing his coffee, he uses his "mayor" sash as a napkin; tearing it off, the one under it reads "time to reorder"] 

  Homer : Oh, that was 50 already?

• Homer : [after getting mauled by a badger]  Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?

  Bart : Tons.

  Homer : Get it.

  Lisa Simpson : No, dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.

  Homer : Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this.

  Lisa Simpson : [he lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest and his exposed internal organs]  How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?

  Homer : What am I, a tailor?

• Bart : Well, dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.

  Homer : Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine.

  Lisa Simpson : [smashing the window of a deli, he takes a string of sausage links]  Dad, you're bleeding.

  Homer : No problem.

  [smashing the window of a pharmacy, he takes a gauze bandage and wraps his hand] 

  Homer : Anyhow, those rats'll come crawling back. We've got the Who playing here tonight.

  Lisa Simpson : Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield.

  Homer : D'oh!

  Bart : Don't give up, dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.

  Homer : Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion.

  [going to a store called Just Chloroform, he smashes a window and takes a bottle] 

  Homer : Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.

  [kissing the bottle, he instantly becomes woozy]