The Simpsons (TV Series)

A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Kearney

Quotes 

• Kent Brockman : [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town]  They tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Comere a minute."

  Homer Simpson : [watching the TV with Bart]  Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, comere a minute.

  Bart : You comere a minute.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah?

• Homer : [missing a chance to win free concert tickets]  Ohh! It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were the Hillbilly Bugger Boys!

  Bart : You should call that radio station and let 'em have it.

  Homer : Good idea!

  [dialing, he gets the "wrong number" tri-tone, and Bart laughs] 

  Homer : Why, you little...!

  [strangling him with the phone cord, Bart then hits him on the head with the receiver] 

  Homer : Ow!

  [getting hit again] 

  Homer : Ow!

  [and again] 

  Homer : Ow!

  [as they both grow tired, he lets Bart go and they collapse to the ground] 

• Bart : Come on, Lise. There's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.

  Lisa Simpson : Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com, "badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots."

  Bart : [searching in a cabinet]  Hmm, stoats, stoats...

  Lisa Simpson : Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.

  Bart : [showing her a can]  Then what's this?

  Lisa Simpson : That says "corn," Bart.

  Bart : [checking]  Must you embarrass me?

• Bart : [at the nuclear power plant]  Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.

  Homer : Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does without electricity.

  [watching the power in Olde Springfield go out] 

  Homer : Whoo hoo!

  Nurse : [at Springfield Hospital]  Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark.

  Dr. Hibbert : Sounds like a wager to me.

  Krusty : [the patient]  I'll take a piece of that.

• Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!

  Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?

  Homer : Well, I...

  [trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens] 

  Homer : Huh?

  [trying a few more times] 

  Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.

  Bart : It worked on the test corpse.

  Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!

  Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out]  Viva la revolucion!

  Homer : Now who's stupid?

• Jimbo Jones : [Bart and Milhouse play frisbee in the park]  Hey, look what I found, a novelty flying disc.

  Bart : Give it back. That's my novelty flying disc.

  Jimbo Jones : You're in Olde Springfield now. Everything on this side of the park belongs to us.

  Kearney : Hey, his pants are in our park, too.

  Dolph : Get him!

  [Kearney tackles Bart, and they steal his shorts] 

  Bart : [getting an idea]  My homework is in your park.

  Kearney : Let's do it!

  [taking the books from Bart's backpack] 

  Kearney : Yoink!

  Dolph : [a few minutes later, flipping through a book]  What does freedom mean to me?

• Homer : [after getting mauled by a badger]  Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?

  Bart : Tons.

  Homer : Get it.

  Lisa Simpson : No, dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.

  Homer : Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this.

  Lisa Simpson : [he lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest and his exposed internal organs]  How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?

  Homer : What am I, a tailor?

• Homer : I implore you to move your concert to our town. Don't play Olde Springfield. Or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City.

  Roger Daltrey : But we have a handshake agreement with a concert promoter, and that's a sacred bond.

  Pete Townshend , Roger Daltrey , John Entwistle : Sacred bond.

  Homer : Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who of "My Generation", "Won't Get Fooled Again", and "Mama's Got a Squeeze Box"?

  John Entwistle : We know our songs, Homer.

  Homer : But those Olde Springfield squares are just gonna make you cut your hair, turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.

  Roger Daltrey : [taken aback]  Keith Partridge? Who huddle.

  [huddling and muttering together] 

  John Entwistle : We'll do it.

  Bart : [high-fiving Homer]  Yeah!

  John Entwistle : Just send a cab for us.

  Homer : What, is something wrong with your legs?

• Homer : Wow, the Who!

  [laughing gleefully, he smashes a lamp] 

  Homer : Whoo! Rock and roll!

  John Entwistle : [Bart starts kicking the drum kit's bass drum]  What the hell are you doing?

  Bart : Duh. Trashing the hotel room.

  Pete Townshend : But we promised the desk clerk we'd be good.

  Roger Daltrey : Yeah, we don't want to lose our pool privileges.

  Homer : Whatever. The point is, I'm Homer Simpson.

  John Entwistle : The mayor of New Springfield?

  Homer : That's right.

  Roger Daltrey : The crazy mayor of New Springfield?

  Homer : That's right.

• Bart : Well, dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.

  Homer : Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine.

  Lisa Simpson : [smashing the window of a deli, he takes a string of sausage links]  Dad, you're bleeding.

  Homer : No problem.

  [smashing the window of a pharmacy, he takes a gauze bandage and wraps his hand] 

  Homer : Anyhow, those rats'll come crawling back. We've got the Who playing here tonight.

  Lisa Simpson : Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield.

  Homer : D'oh!

  Bart : Don't give up, dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.

  Homer : Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion.

  [going to a store called Just Chloroform, he smashes a window and takes a bottle] 

  Homer : Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.

  [kissing the bottle, he instantly becomes woozy]