The Simpsons (TV Series)

A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)

Hank Azaria: Carl Carlson, Chief Wiggum, Moe Szyslak, Bumblebee Man, Apu, Professor Frink, Guard, Captain McAllister

Quotes 

• Lenny : There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.

  Carl : I don't know, vengeance is pretty good.

• Moe : Enough chit-chat, let's see how you like flaming garbage!

• Moe : Homer's right! We're gettin' the Joan Collins special!

• Homer : Loyal citizens of New Springfield, you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools, and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.

  Carl : How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked.

  Homer : Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow. And then a wave of disease should help to...

  [seeing citizens starting to climb the wall to the other side] 

  Homer : Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait 'til l I'm through talking. Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.

• Homer : I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.

  [on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"] 

  Homer : Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...

  [checking his hand] 

  Homer : ...Carl?

  Carl : I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.

  Homer : What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.

  Carl : What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.

  Lenny : Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.

  Homer : Not a single word of warning.

• Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...

  [an automated voice dubs in "your town"] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.

  Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.

  Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.

  Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.

  Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"

  [opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?

  Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?

  Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing]  Of course you're not.

  Lenny : [the film ends]  Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.

• Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!

  Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?

  Homer : Well, I...

  [trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens] 

  Homer : Huh?

  [trying a few more times] 

  Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.

  Bart : It worked on the test corpse.

  Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!

  Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out]  Viva la revolucion!

  Homer : Now who's stupid?

• Homer : [painting a "Welcome to New Springfield" sign]  There, we're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.

  Arizona Cardinals representative : [approaching]  Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals...

  Homer : Keep walking.

  Moe : Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.

• Apu : All right, root beer, bananas, and toilet paper. 50% out-of-towners' tax.

  Marge Simpson : Out-of-towner tax?

  Apu : I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but we have to charge you foreign devils more.

  Marge Simpson : All right, but this better be the best toilet paper I've ever had.

  Apu : Oh, no worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper.

  Marge Simpson : [squeezing it, impressed]  Ooh, why didn't you say so? Hey, is there a bathroom here?

  Apu : Not for you.

• Lindsey Naegle : [at a town hall meeting]  I know that some of you are upset about the area code change, especially those of you covered with dynamite.

  [from his seat, Homer nods] 

  Lindsey Naegle : First, let me reassure you your fears are groundless and your complaints, moronic.

  Moe : [murmuring from the townsfolk]  That's good.

  Lindsey Naegle : [a screen lowers]  This film will explain everything to you in words that you can understand.

• Guard : Oh, so you wanna see the Who, huh? Well, I'll take you to the Who.

  [throwing Bart and Homer into the band's hotel room] 

  Guard : Here's your Who!

  Roger Daltrey : I thought we fired that guard.

  Guard : [sarcastic]  Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by the Who. Whatever you say, pal.

  [whistling and doing the "crazy" hand gesture at his temple] 

  Guard : Wacko.

• Principal Skinner : It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.

  Edna Krabappel : [hearing music in the distance]  What's that?

  Captain McAllister : [looking outside with a sextant]  Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!

  Moe : Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.

  Sideshow Mel : Who's ready to riot?