- Lip: Theres a Buddhist saying that we get reincarnated till we've been, done and seen everything, Me Dad reckons he's way up that ladder to hear him talk you couldn't teach him a thing. I mean it's never occurred to him that he might just be thick as pig shit. If you want rid of him just start mentioning full-time work.
- Frank Gallagher: We've just kicked a confession out of ice cream Alec, he's admitted to dipping his nob in the tubs.
- Sheila Jackson: What, he took little Jody!
- Frank Gallagher: We don't know till he comes out of theatre!
- Steve: [narrating] The more time I spent with this family, the more I cessed that the lynchpins were actually the females.
- Hippy Pete: If that cat walks past me one more time with its tail in the air, it is getting one right up the ring because I am ten wanks beyond fussy!