Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Wizard (1998)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Elaine Benes
Quotes
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[Elaine and Jerry are talking on the telephone]
Elaine Benes : Hey, so Kramer's running for president of the condo?
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah, it's all my father's doing. He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime and then wield power from behind the scenes - preferably from the sauna in the clubhouse.
Elaine Benes : [laughs] Who are they running against?
Jerry Seinfeld : Common sense and a guy in a wheelchair.
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Elaine Benes : Oh, Mrs. Ross, Mr. Ross.
Mrs. Ross : Oh, you're George's friend.
Mr. Ross : We saw him in the city this weekend. What happened to his place in the Hamptons?
Elaine Benes : [Elaine bursts out laughing and can't stop] The *Hamptons?* George Costanza? I -
[laughs more]
Elaine Benes : I don't think so!
[continues laughing as she leaves]
Elaine Benes : Have a good one.
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[Elaine can't figure out whether her new boyfriend is black. She's talking to Jerry on the telephone]
Jerry Seinfeld : So, did you figure out Darryl's... you know?
Elaine Benes : Nah, I've given up, so now we're going to a bunch of Spanish restaurants.... Figure that'll cover us either way.
Jerry Seinfeld : You're a master of race relations.
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[Jerry is in Florida; Elaine is in his apartment, talking to him on the telephone. George enters the apartment]
George Costanza : Jerry?
Elaine Benes : He's still down with his folks.
George Costanza : What are you doing here?
Jerry Seinfeld : [worriedly] Elaine? *Elaine?*
Elaine Benes : [ignoring Jerry] I'm gettin' his mail.
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, no.
George Costanza : He asked you to get the mail?
Elaine Benes : Mm-hmm.
George Costanza : [George grabs the phone from Elaine] Jerry, why is Elaine getting your mail?
Jerry Seinfeld : George, listen to me. I have a very important job for you.... I want you to come by twice a day and flush the toilet so the gaskets don't dry out and leak.
George Costanza : Well, what about the mail?
Jerry Seinfeld : This is far more important. You *must* exercise the gaskets, George.
George Costanza : All right, Jerry; I'll do it. See ya.
[hangs up]
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Darryl : Did you hear that?
Elaine Benes : What?
Darryl : God, there are still people who have trouble with an interracial couple.
Elaine Benes : [happily] Interracial? Us?
Darryl : Isn't that unbelievable?
Elaine Benes : Yes! It's awful! They're upset because we're an interracial couple.
[chuckling]
Elaine Benes : That is racism!
Darryl : I don't feel like eating.
Elaine Benes : Me neither - well, maybe this turkey club.
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[Elaine is apathetic about maintaining her relationship with Puddy]
Jerry Seinfeld : Still no Puddy?
Elaine Benes : Eh, I think his answering machine's broken, so I just gave up.
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George Costanza : So, ran into the Rosses again.
Elaine Benes : Oh, right, at the coffee shop. Where did they get the idea that you have a place in the Hamptons?
George Costanza : From me.
Elaine Benes : What did you say?
George Costanza : I told them I have a place in the Hamptons. What did *you* say?
Elaine Benes : I told them you didn't. And I laughed and I laughed.
[laughing]
George Costanza : So they knew? Those liars!
Elaine Benes : But, you lied first!
George Costanza : [Angrily] Yeah, but they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons; they never said a thing! You don't let somebody lie when you know they're lying - you *call* them a liar!
Elaine Benes : Like, "You're a liar."
George Costanza : Yes! Thank you! Was that so hard?
Elaine Benes : So is this over? Not over?... I'm bettin' "not over."
George Costanza : Not by a long shot. I'm calling up the Rosses and inviting them out to my nonexistent place in the Hamptons. Then, we'll see who blinks first.
Elaine Benes : Haven't you done enough to these people?
George Costanza : This is not about them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to exercise Jerry's gaskets.
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Darryl : So we're just a couple of white people?
Elaine Benes : I guess.
Darryl : Oh.
Elaine Benes : Yeah. So, do you want to go to the Gap?
Darryl : Sure.