Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Wallet (1992)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Don't you hate to-be-continueds on TV? It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued" coming, you know? You're watching the show. You're into the story. Then there's, like, 5 minutes left, and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can't make it! Timmy's still stuck in the cave. There's no way they wrap this up in 5 minutes." I mean, the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do that. See, I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. Can you come back next week?"

• Helen : Since when is George a writer?

  Jerry Seinfeld : What writer? It's a sitcom.

• Jerry Seinfeld : So, what happened? Is it over?

  Elaine Benes : Well, not quite.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Why not?

  Elaine Benes : He was my psychiatrist, you know. He knows all my patterns. In my relationships, I always try to find some reason to leave, so as my doctor, he can't allow me to do this, so he's not letting me leave.

  George Costanza : What do you mean not letting you?

  Elaine Benes : He has this power over me, okay? He has this way of manipulating every little word I say. He's like a Svenjolly.

  Jerry Seinfeld : "Svengolly."

  Elaine Benes : What did I say?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Svenjolly.

  Elaine Benes : Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.

  Jerry Seinfeld : George?

  George Costanza : Svenjolly.

  Elaine Benes : I don't see how I could have said Svenjolly.

  Jerry Seinfeld : So, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

• Jerry Seinfeld : So tell us about the trip. How's Dr. Reston?

  Elaine Benes : Oh, he's fine.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Things are good?

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, you know.

  [scratches her cheek] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Uh-oh.

  Elaine Benes : What, "uh-oh"?

  George Costanza : Did you see that?

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, I saw it.

  Jerry Seinfeld : What?

  Jerry Seinfeld : It's a tell. You gotta tell.

  Elaine Benes : What tell? What's a tell?

  Jerry Seinfeld : When you ask someone about their relationship and they touch their face you know it's not going too well. Go ahead ask me how it's going with somebody.

  Elaine Benes : Um, uh, how's it going with, uh, Alice?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Good, going good

  [scratches chin] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : And the higher up on the face you go the worse the relationship is getting. You know it is like - pretty good

  [scratches nose] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : - not bad

  [scratches eyebrow] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : - I gotta get out

  [presses his hand on his forehead] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : .

  Elaine Benes : How high did I go?

  George Costanza : You almost did the nose.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : My parents had two constant arguments while they were driving, over either how fast my father was going, or how much gas was left in the tank. My father had a standard defense for either one of these. It was always, "That's because you're looking at it from an angle." If you were over here... It looks from where you're sitting, it looks like I'm doing 90 on empty, "But that's because you're over there." If you were over here, you'd know I'm in the driveway with a full tank.