Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Van Buren Boys (1997)
Jason Alexander: George Costanza
Quotes
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Leader : [George, trying to prove he was a Van Buren Boy, makes several hand gestures in an attempt to perform their secret gang sign] That's not the sign.
George Costanza : It was when I was bangin'!
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George Costanza : Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce you to the first Susan Ross scholar. This is Steven Koren. His GPA is a solid 2.0. Right in that meaty part of the curve. Not showing off, not falling behind.
Wyck Thayer : George, the qualifications for this scholarship were supposed to be largely academic.
George Costanza : I'm sure we're all aware of the flaws and biases of standardized tests.
Wyck Thayer : These aren't standardized tests. These are his grades.
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George Costanza , Jerry Seinfeld : I'm interviewing all these annoying little overachievers. Finally, this kid walks in, Steven Koren, a regular guy, likes sports, watches T.V.
Jerry Seinfeld : Is he smart?
George Costanza : He knows how to read. And he also knows finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything. And get this, he's into architecture.
Jerry Seinfeld : Hey, just like you pretend to be.
George Costanza : Yes. With a little guidance, Steven Koren is going to be everything I claim to be, only for real. That's my dream, Jerry.
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Jerry Seinfeld : [trying to catch a cab] Who was the last president to have a beard?
George Costanza : Nixon.
Jerry Seinfeld : No, I mean a real thick beard.
George Costanza : His was thick.
Jerry Seinfeld : No, I mean like a full long beard like Smith Brothers Cough Drops.
George Costanza : Falkmore.
Jerry Seinfeld : Who?
George Costanza : Artemis N. Falkmore.
Jerry Seinfeld : You made that up, right?
George Costanza : Yeah. But it sounds like a president name, doesn't it?
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah. Why do presidents all have these bad names? Woodrow, Grover, Millard.
George Costanza : The presidency attracts the badly named. Their ambition is based on personal insecurity. It's a classic male overcompensation.
Jerry Seinfeld : Are you wearing lifts in those shoes?
George Costanza : [nervously looks around and walks away] Cab!