Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Stock Tip (1990)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Went out to dinner the other night. Check came at the end of the meal, as it always does. Never liked the "check at the end of the meal" system, because money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat, money has no value. You don't care about money when you're hungry. You sit down in a restaurant and you're like the ruler of an empire... "More drinks! Appetizers! Quickly, quickly! It will be the greatest meal of our lives." Then after the meal, you know, you got the pants open, you got the napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes. Then the check comes at that moment. People are always upset, you know. They're mystified by the check. They're... "What is this? How could this be?" They start passing it around the table. "Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?"

• Jerry Seinfeld : You better find that grape before it mutates into another life form!

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I'm not an investor. People always tell me, "You should have your money working for you." I've decided I'll do the work, I'm gonna let the money relax. You know what I mean? Because you send your money out there working for you, a lot of times, it gets fired. You go back there, "What happened? I had my money, it was here, it was working for me. -- Yeah, I remember your money. Showing up late, taking time off... We had to let him go."