Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Stand-In (1994)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : How could this be?

  Elaine Benes : Oh, it be.

• Jerry Seinfeld : As I was leaving, I bumped into Phil Totola. He is one of the greatest guys.

  Elaine Benes : Do I know him?

  Jerry Seinfeld : No, but I'll tell you something, of all the guys I know, I could envision you going out with him.

  Elaine Benes : If you were a woman, would you go out with him?

  Jerry Seinfeld : If I was a woman, I'd be down on the dock waiting for the fleet to come in.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : The bus is the single stupidest, fattest, slowest, most despised vehicle on the road, isn't it? Have you ever noticed, when you get behind the bus, people in your car go, "What are you doing? Get away! Come on!" The back of the bus, it's like an eclipse, isn't it? People are just like, "The sun. Where is the sun?" It's like this huge metal ass just taking up the whole windshield of your car. When it pulls out, it even sounds like a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa.