- Jerry Seinfeld: "Seven"? Yeah, I guess I can see it: seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches per beating and eventually seven years to life.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Hey, is this your half a can of soda in the fridge?
- Cosmo Kramer: No, that's yours. My half is gone.
- Jerry Seinfeld: What?
- Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, I put my half a can here on the tab. Why, what's your beef?
- Jerry Seinfeld: You cannot buy half a can of soda.
- Cosmo Kramer: Well, why not?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I don't wanna get into the whole physics of carbonation with you here, but you know the sound a can makes when you open it?
- Cosmo Kramer: Yeah.
- Jerry Seinfeld: That is the sound of you buying a whole can.
- Elaine: [Elaine's is in pain from her neck] Ah, I think I really strained it. Ow.
- Jerry: Aw, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you pulled it.
- Elaine: Ach, maybe.
- Jerry: Did you twist it? You coulda twisted it.
- Elaine: I don't know.
- Jerry: Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe you squeezed it. Turned it...
- Elaine: [patience exhausted] You know what, why don't you just shut the hell up?
- Jerry: Awright.
- Jerry: [George plans to name his first child "Seven"] Awright, let's see. How about Mug? Mug Costanza, that's original. Or uh, Ketchup? Pretty name for a girl.
- George Costanza: Alright, you having a good time there?
- Jerry: [Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard] I got fifty right here in the cupboard. How about Bisquik? Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.
- George Costanza: Awright already! This is a very key issue with me, Jerry. I had this name for a long time.
- Susan Biddle Ross: They're gonna name their baby Seven.
- George Costanza: What? They're stealing the name? That's my name, I made it up!
- Susan Biddle Ross: I can't believe that they're using it.
- George Costanza: Well, now it's not gonna be original! It's going to lose all its cachet!
- Susan Biddle Ross: I don't know how much cachet it had to begin with.
- George Costanza: Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the yin-yang!
- Susan Biddle Ross: [Susan and George are having dinner with Carrie and Ken, Susan's cousin. Carrie is heavily pregnant] So, have you picked out a name yet?
- Carrie: Well, we've narrowed it down to a few. We like Kimberley.
- Susan Biddle Ross: Aww.
- George Costanza: [negatively] Hu-ho, boy.
- Ken: You don't like Kimberley?
- George Costanza: Ech. What else you got?
- Ken: How about Joan?
- George Costanza: Aw c'mon, I'm eating here.
- Susan Biddle Ross: George!
- Carrie: Pamela?
- George Costanza: Pamela? Awright, I tell you what. You look like nice people, I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.
- Ken: What?
- George Costanza: Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
- Carrie: I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
- George Costanza: All names sound strange the first time you hear 'em. What, are you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?
- Ken: Yeah, but uh... Soda?
- George Costanza: Yeah, that's right. It's working.
- Carrie: We'll put it on the list.
- George Costanza: I solve problems. That's just what I do.
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I love it when people are complimented on something they're wearing, and they accept the compliment as if it was about them. "Nice tie. -- Well, thank you. Thank you very much." The compliment is for the tie. It's not for you. But we take it. And that's kind of the job of clothes: to get compliments for us. Because it's very hard to get compliments based on your human qualities. Right? Let's face it. No matter how nice a person you are, nobody is gonna come and say, "Hey, nice person." It's much easier to be a bastard and just try and match the colors up.
- Jerry Seinfeld: When you pierce the skin of a piece of fruit, you've bought the whole fruit. Not a third of an apple, not a half of a banana.
- Cosmo Kramer: All right.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You bite it, you bought it.
- Cosmo Kramer: Hey Jerry, if you're gonna be snackin' on these you can't expect me to pay for the whole box.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Alright, Hobo Joe. I didn't wanna put a damper on your little smorgasbord here but it's the end of the week and I added up your tab...
- Cosmo Kramer: [Taken aback...] Yaddup...
- Jerry Seinfeld: I know, pretty steep!
- Cosmo Kramer: I don't have this kinda cash...
- Jerry Seinfeld: Few do.
- Cosmo Kramer: I'm good for it!
- Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah well, until this bill is paid, the food court is closed.