Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Parking Garage (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go. How does my bladder know that I'm in a department store?

• Jerry Seinfeld : [trying to get out of a public urination ticket]  You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. He and friends are probably *peeing* all over the place.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : See, the problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same. They try to differentiate it. They put up different colors, different numbers, different letters. What they need to do is name the levels like Your mother's a whore. You know what I mean? You would remember that. You would go, "I know, I'm parked at My Father's an Abusive Alcoholic." I know where I'm parked.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : It's very hard to find the store that you want in a mall. They have the directory, but the problem with it is even if you figure out where you are and where you wanna go, you still don't really know, sometimes, which way to walk, because it's an upright map. If you had, like, suction-cup feet, then you could just, thp, walk right up on it. Then you could tell. You could just be on it, going, "All right, I'm here. I wanna go to the Gap. That's down there. All right. Now, I'll just walk that way." Thp, thp, thp, thp, thp. But people would know you. They would see you walking down the mall, going, "Thp, thp, thp, thp." They go, "That's one of those suction-cup guys. I heard about that guy. He's never lost."