Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Masseuse (1993)

Anthony Cistaro: Joel Rifkin

Quotes 

• [Elaine is glancing at a football magazine as Joel slides up to her on the couch] 

  Joel : Uh, boning up on football?

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, yeah. You know what? There are a lot of players named Deion these days. What a cool name, Deion. If I were gonna change my name, I'd go with Deion.

  Joel : Deion Benes?

  Elaine Benes : Well as a woman, it makes no sense. But, I mean, let's say I was you. And I decided I was gonna change my name for no real reasons whatsoever - Deion Rifkin. Wow! That is so cool.

  Joel : D-Deion Rifkin?

  Elaine Benes : Well maybe you're not the Deion type. O.K. then let's see, let's see, what do we got?

  [Elaine looks at the magazine and starts to gasp] 

  Elaine Benes : Oh! Oh oh oh! O.J.! O.J. Rifkin! You don't even use a name, it's just initials. Oh please please please change your name to O.J.! Please, it would be so great!

• Elaine Benes : Uhh! What are you doing?

  Joel : Massaging your neck.

  Elaine Benes : Oh. Huh. Of course. Massaging.

• Joel : Remi Rifkin? Should I get a beret?

  Elaine Benes : Oh, Stuart's a lot better!

  [starts mocking Joel by talking like a baby] 

  Elaine Benes : Little Stuart Rifkin likes to go shopping with his mother.