Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Jacket (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : Master of the house, keeper of the inn...

  [Jerry proudly models his new jacket in front of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket] 

  George Costanza : This is huge! When did this happen?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge.

  George Costanza : [Nods]  Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Absolutely.

  George Costanza : It's fabulous.

• George Costanza : If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.

  Jerry Seinfeld : How are we gonna get out of it?

  George Costanza : We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!

• Alton Benes : Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?

  George Costanza : Oh, he's the comedian.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I'm just a regular person.

  George Costanza : No, no. He's just being modest.

  Alton Benes : We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There's nothing funny about that!

• Elaine Benes : My father thinks George is gay.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Because of all the singing?

  Elaine Benes : No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.

• Jerry Seinfeld : What is this?

  [picks a jacket of the rack] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : This is beautiful.

  [holds it up for Elaine to see] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : These jackets never fit me right.

  Elaine Benes : Try it on.

  Elaine Benes : Hmmm! Wow! This is soft suede.

  Jerry Seinfeld : This may be the most perfect jacket I have ever put on.

  Jerry Seinfeld : How much is it?

  Elaine Benes : [surprised]  Oh... my... God!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Bad ?

  [Elaine nods] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Very bad?

  Elaine Benes : You have no idea.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I have some idea.

  Elaine Benes : No idea.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I've got a ball park.

  Elaine Benes : There is no park and the team has re-located.

• [George is singing "Master of the House" from Les Miserables] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : What is that song?

  George Costanza : Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it in front of clients. It's taking over my life.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You know, Schumann went mad from that.

  George Costanza : Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?

  Jerry Seinfeld : No, you idiot.

  George Costanza : What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?

  Jerry Seinfeld : You don't know Robert Schumann? The composer?

  George Costanza : Oh, Schu-MANN. Of course.

  Jerry Seinfeld : He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.

  George Costanza : Really? Well, what if it doesn't stop?

  [Jerry shrugs his shoulders] 

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I hate clothes, okay? I hate buying them, I hate picking them out of my closet. I can't stand every day trying to come up with little outfits for myself. I think, eventually, fashion won't even exist. It won't. I think, eventually, we'll all be wearing the same thing. Because any time I see a movie or a TV show where there's people from the future or another planet, they're all wearing the same thing. Somehow, they decided, "This is going to be our outfit. One-piece silver jump suit, V-stripe and boots. That's it." We should come up with an outfit for Earth. An Earth outfit. We should vote on it, candidates propose different outfits, no speeches. They walk out, twirl, walk off. We just sit in the audience and go, "That was nice. I could wear that."

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture ruin leather? I don't get this. Aren't cows outside most of the time? I don't understand this. When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in. We're all wearing leather! Open the door. We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!" "Is it suede? I am suede. The whole thing is suede. I can't have this cleaned. It's all I've got."