Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Hamptons (1994)
Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld
Photos
Quotes
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Jerry : [Elaine is walking through the hallway, Jerry and George call her into the room] Elaine!
Jerry : Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine : What do you mean? Like laundry?
Jerry : No, like when a man goes swimming... afterwards.
Elaine : It shrinks?
Jerry : Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine : Why does it shrink?
George Costanza : It just does.
Elaine : I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
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Kramer : Hey, Jerry, rub some lotion on my back.
Jerry Seinfeld : Who are you, Mrs. Robinson?
Kramer : Come on, I'll rub some on you.
Jerry Seinfeld : That's not sweetening the deal.
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George Costanza : Well, how good a look did you get?
Jerry Seinfeld : What do you mean?
George Costanza : Well, if she was a criminal and you had to describe her to a police sketch artist.
Jerry Seinfeld : They'd pick her up in about 10 minutes.
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George Costanza : I just got back from swimming in the pool... and the water was cold.
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, you mean... shrinkage.
George Costanza : Yes. Significant shrinkage.
Jerry Seinfeld : So you feel you were short-changed.
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[first lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : The human fascination with water is amazing. We're constantly going to beaches, pools, lakes, rivers. We're swimming. We're snorkeling. We're scuba-diving. We bathe in it. Our bodies are mostly water. Everyone's carrying around these bottles of water. We can't get enough water, unless it rains. Then we're like, "Oh, look, I'm soaked. I am literally drenched." For some reason, we have a huge problem with small, flying water. It'll just stop us right in our tracks. "Oh! I felt a drop. We're gonna get caught in it! Everyone cover your water bottles! Run!"
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Jerry : [Elaine walks onto the deck wearing sunglasses and a sun hat] ... and then there's Maude!
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[last lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : Look at the work people will do to get to the ocean. They'll fight the traffic and the heat and the parking and the hot sand, trying to get through the waves; and the ironic thing is, the ocean doesn't even really want us in there. That's what's surfing is. Surfing is the ocean throwing us out of itself. You see? We keep trying to paddle in. And the ocean is saying, "No, you don't." The ocean is like a nightclub, and the waves are bouncers tossing us out. The undertow's like the really mean bouncer. Instead of throwing you out, they take you in back and rough you up a little bit. "Oh, you wanna come in? How about coming in, like, 25 miles?"
