Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Glasses (1993)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : [to George]  I don't know what to tell you, Elton.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I want to know, when did glasses go from being this carefully crafted medical apparatus to just this mall impulse item? "Honey, I'm going out for a yogurt and a pair of trifocals. You need anything?" It's always glasses in about an hour. "Well, how much are they? -- 75 bucks. -- Well, here's 72. It's about 75, okay?" What, you tryin' to coordinate it with the one-hour photo place, is that the idea? "Hurry up. Gimme the glasses. My pictures are coming out right now. I need to see 'em." Then they have those Woolworth glasses, you know, that are like, they're there. They're there now. No eye exam, you don't have any idea what's wrong with the eyes, and the glasses are made up. They are ready and waiting for you to just walk in, "Thank you. Bye." And just walk right into a wall. Bang!

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I never get enough sleep. I stay up late at night 'cause I'm "night guy". Night guy wants to stay up late. "What about getting up after five hours of sleep? Oh, that's morning guy's problem. That's not my problem. I'm night guy. I stay up as late as I want." So you get up in the morning, the alarm, you're exhausted, groggy. Oh, you hate that night guy. See, night guy always screws morning guy. There's nothing morning guy can do. The only thing morning guy can do is try and oversleep often enough so that day guy loses his job, and night guy has no money to go out anymore.