Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Fix Up (1992)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : [Asking Jerry about Elaine's friend Cynthia]  What kind of hair?

  Jerry Seinfeld : You know, long dark hair.

  George Costanza : Flowing?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Flowing?

  George Costanza : Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick lustrous hair is very important to me.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Thick lustrous hair is very important to me. Is that what you said?

  George Costanza : Yeah, that's right.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Just clarifying.

  George Costanza : Let me ask you this. If you stick your hand in the hair is it easy to get it out?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Do you want to be able to get it out or do you want to not be able to get it out?

  George Costanza : I'd like to be able to get it out.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I think you'll get it out.

  George Costanza : What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.

  Jerry Seinfeld : She's got a fine cheek.

  George Costanza : Is there a pinkish hue?

  Jerry Seinfeld : A pinkish hue?

  George Costanza : Yes, a rosy glow.

  Jerry Seinfeld : There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows. Women kill to have her eyebrows.

• Elaine Benes : You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I went out with you.

  Elaine Benes : That's because my standards are too low.

• George Costanza : No, I'm not gonna do that! That's one step away from personal ads and prostitutes. No! No! I am not going down that road!... What does she look like?

  Jerry Seinfeld : She's good looking.

  George Costanza : How good looking?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Very good looking.

  George Costanza : Really good looking?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Really very good looking.

  George Costanza : Would you take her out?

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...Yes, I would take her out.

  George Costanza : You hesitated!

• George Costanza : I mean it's gotten to the point where I'm flirting with operators on the phone. I almost made a date with one.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, so there's still hope.

  George Costanza : I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, so hopelessness is the key.

  George Costanza : It's my only hope

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I never really understood the importance of the conductor. I mean, between you and me... what the hell is this guy doing? I mean, do you really need somebody waving a stick in your face to play the violin? Does that really help you out? I could see how we need him at the beginning, okay? Tap, tap, tap. "Start." Okay. I could see how you need that. But once we're going, okay. Once it's all happening... what do we need him for then? I don't see the cellist looking up, going, "I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do." And the conductor goes, "Do this, this. Like this. -- Oh, okay, thank you. Thank you very much."

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : But have you ever fixed anybody up? Why do we do it? Why? WOMAN: Good time. You thought they would have a good time and a little power trip for you, isn't it? Now you're playing God. Of course, God... was the first person to fix people up. He fixed up Adam and Eve, you know? I'm sure he said to Adam, "No, she's nice. She's, uh... She's, uh... Yes, she's very free about her body. Doesn't really wear much. She was going out with a snake. I think that's over though."