Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Chinese Woman (1994)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Louis Costanza : You know what this has to do with? The man in the cape. I bet you he is mixed up in this. I don't trust men in capes.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You can't cast aspersions on someone just because they're wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and let you say something bad about him.

  George Louis Costanza : All right, Superman's the exception.

• Jerry Seinfeld : You know, you're not Chinese.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Well, it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.

  Kramer : Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You went back to the Jockeys?

  Kramer : Wrong again.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [realizing]  Oh, no.

  Elaine Benes : What? What?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Don't you see what's goin' on here? No boxers, no Jockeys...

  [Elaine backs away from Kramer, disgusted] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine... Kramer, say it isn't so.

  Kramer : Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm lovin' every minute of it.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Really? You never slipped one past the goalie in all these years? Boy, I'm surprised, you've slept with a lot of women.

  Kramer : A lot! You think maybe I'm... depleted?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well I'm sure you're not totally depleted.

  Kramer : Yeah, but what if I am? I'm the last male Kramer! We're facing extinction

  Jerry Seinfeld : So go to a fertility clinic, have your sperm count checked.

  Kramer : Yeah, but then I'd have to... well, you know... into a cup in the middle of the day?

  Elaine Benes : Does that conflict with your regular schedule?

• Jerry Seinfeld : What are you doin' to this woman?, This is the second relationship you've ruined for her in a few weeks

  Elaine Benes : I know

  Jerry Seinfeld : First you ruin her relationship with the High Talker

  Elaine Benes : Well, Jer, I got confused. They sound exactly the same

  Jerry Seinfeld : So she breaks up with him, somehow picks up the pieces of her life, miraculously meets a new guy and you bust that up and then just as they're reconciling, you announce to the world he's boring

  Elaine Benes : [apologetically]  I didn't know she'd take it so seriously

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, apparently you have a tremendous influence over this woman, anything you say she does!

• Elaine Benes : [discussing George's parents]  Divorce? That's really too bad.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah. You know it's a shame his parents didn't get divorced 30 years ago. He *could* have been normal.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : The thing I admire most about the Chinese is that they're hanging in there with the chopsticks. Because, if you think about it, you know, they've seen the fork by now. I'm sure they've seen the spoon. They're going, "Yah... they're okay. We're gonna stay with the sticks." I mean, I don't know how they missed it. Thousands of years ago, a Chinese farmer gets up, has his breakfast with the chopstick, goes out and works all day in the field with a shovel. Hello? Shovel? Not going out there plowing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues.

• Donna Chang : It's really getting ridicurous.

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...Did you say "ridicurous"?

• Jerry Seinfeld : I love Chinese women.

  Elaine Benes : Isn't that a little racist?

  Jerry Seinfeld : If I like their race, how can that be racist?