- Marisa Tomei: Have I told you how much I love you today?
- George Costanza: Not in the last fifteen minutes.
- Marisa Tomei: Well, I do love you very much.
- George Costanza: And I love you, Marisa.
- Marisa Tomei: Well then, c'mon, get dressed. We're going to be late for the premiere.
- George Costanza: Elaine, it's me, George
- Elaine: George. How come you're whispering?
- George Costanza: Never mind, never mind. I need you to do me a favour. Uhm, remember what we were talking about at the coffee shop earlier?
- Elaine: No!
- George Costanza: Think, a second. You know, your friend was talking about me and, you know...
- Elaine: Ech, George, I have no idea what you're talking about.
- George Costanza: The actress
- Elaine: What?
- George Costanza: [shouts] MARISA TOMEI!
- Susan Biddle Ross: What?
- George Costanza: Uh, ah, nothing, Nothing!
- Susan Biddle Ross: Hey! What're you watching?
- [looks at TV]
- Susan Biddle Ross: Only You? That's another Marisa Tomei movie, and you've seen that one too.
- [jokingly]
- Susan Biddle Ross: What, do you have a thing for her?
- George Costanza: [laughing it off and trying too hard] Yeah, yeah. I have a thing for Marisa Tomei. Like she would ever go out with a short, stocky, bald man.
- [forced laughter]
- George Costanza: Hu hu, ha ha. Like that's her type. Huh. She's an Oscar winner.
- [nervous laughter]
- George Costanza: He heh. Besides, I don't even know her. It's not like anyone's trying to fix us up. Who, who would try and fix me up with Marisa Tomei?
- Susan Biddle Ross: What are you talking about?
- Morty: Alright, are you ready to eat?
- Helen: Oh, right, let's go. Jerry, let's go, it's time to eat. We're going to dinner.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Dinner? What time is it?
- Helen: It's 4:30
- Jerry Seinfeld: 4:30? Who eats dinner at 4:30?
- Morty: By the time we sit down, it'll be quarter to 5.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I don't understand why we have to eat now.
- Helen: We gotta catch the early-bird. It's only between 4:30 and 6.
- Morty: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad and a baked potato, for $4.95. You know what that cost you after 6?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Can't we eat at a decent hour? I'll treat, okay?
- Helen: You're not buying us dinner.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at 4:30 to save a couple of bucks, I'll tell you that!
- Jerry Seinfeld: [tossing and turning] Stupid foldout... Why did they have the bar in the middle of the bed?
- George Costanza: [to a comatose Katy in her hospital bed] Move a pinky if it's "yes". Can you move a pinky?
- Marisa Tomei: So tell me, how is it that a man like you, so bald, so quirky and funny, how is it you're not taken?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Old people in Florida, they drive slow, and they sit low. Right? That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be, like, a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it. And that left-turn signal on from when they left the house that morning. Right? That's a legal turn in Florida. It's known as an eventual left. And old people get to a certain age where, when they back out of the driveway... they don't look. You know what I mean? They're... They just feel like: "Well, I'm old, and I'm coming back. I survived. Let's see if you can."
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, what d'you think?
- Morty: Look at this! Look at this! You bought a Cadillac?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I bought it for you. It's yours.
- Morty: You what? You bought me a Cadillac?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I bought you a Cadillac, here you go.
- Helen: Are you out of your mind?
- Jerry Seinfeld: What?
- Morty: You don't want it? Are you kidding?
- Helen: He's not buying us a Cadillac.
- Morty: What are you, nuts?
- Helen: It's a very nice gesture Jerry, but take it back.
- Morty: Can you believe this?
- Helen: I'm not letting him buy us a Cadillac. He hasn't got that kind of money.
- Herb: Building A. Are you for, or against, the motion to impeach?
- Ralph: What does that mean?
- Herb: It means, if you're for the motion, you're against Morty
- Ralph: So why don't you say that?
- Herb: Hey, I'm running the meeting
- Ralph: If you think so
- Herb: Building A?
- Bldg 'A': For impeachment
- Herb: Building B?
- Bldg 'B': Against impeachment
- Herb: Building C?
- Bldg 'C': For impeachment
- Herb: Building D?
- Mrs. Choate: Against impeachment
- Jack Klompus: [to Morty] I can't believe you got that old bag!
- [Jack's "old bag" remark triggers Mrs. Choate's memory of Jerry accosting her in New York for her marble rye bread]
- Mrs. Choate: [to Morty] It's him, It's your son. Now I know where I saw him. He stole my marble rye
- Morty: My son never stole anything. He's a good boy
- Ralph: They should lock him up
- Mrs. Choate: Like father, like son. I change my vote, I vote to impeach!
- Bldg 'B': Me too. I change my vote
- Herb: All those in favour, say aye.
- Ralph, Jack Klompus, Mrs. Choate, Bldg 'A', Bldg 'B', Bldg 'C': AYE!
- Herb: All opposed?
- [Morty raises his hand]
- Herb: The ayes have it. The motion passes.
- Jack Klompus: Bernie, look who's eating at six o'clock. Your suddenly well-to-do president. But, you enjoy your last meal in office. Tomorrow, they kick you out, you'll have plenty of time to drive around in your Cadillac
- Morty: They're not kicking me out. You don't have the votes
- Jack Klompus: That's what you think
- Morty: We'll see
- Jack Klompus: Yes we will