Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Bottle Deposit (1996)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : [as auto mechanic approaches]  Hey, Tony.

  Tony : Thanks for coming in Jerry.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Sure.

  Tony : [mood shift]  I think I know what's going here.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [huh? frown] 

  Tony : [getting moody]  And I just wanna hear it from you. But I want you to be straight with me. Don't lie to me Jerry. Ya know that motor oil you're putting in there? From one of those quickie lube places, isn't it?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well I change it so often...

  Tony : [interrupting]  Jerry, motor oil is the life blood of a car. Okay, ya put in a low grade oil you can damage vital engine parts, okay? See this gasket?

  [throws it down] 

  Tony : I have no confidence in that gasket.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [trying to respond] 

  Tony : Here's what I wanna do. I want to overhaul the entire engine. But it's gonna take a major commitment from you. You're gonna have to keep it under 60 miles an hour for a while. Ya gotta come in and ya gotta get the oil changed every 1000 miles.

  Jerry Seinfeld : How much money is this gonna cost me?

  Tony : [snort]  I don't understand you. It's your own car we're talking about. Ya know you wrote the wrong mileage down on the form? You barely know the car. You don't know the mileage, you don't know the tire pressure. When was the last time you even checked the washer fluid?

  Jerry Seinfeld : The washer fluid is fine.

  Tony : The washer fluid is not fine!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Okay, ya know what, um. I just wanna take my car and I'm gonna bring it some place else.

  Tony : What do you mean?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Just... can I have my car? I'm going to pay my bill, and I'm going to be on my way.

  Tony : Well the car is on the lift.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well just get it down.

  Tony : Alright. Okay, wait here, and I'll uh, I'll bring it around.

  [walks away] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Okay, thanks very much.

  Elaine Benes : [arriving]  Hey, where's the car?

  Jerry Seinfeld : He's bringing it.

  Tony : [squeals away in Jerry's car, leaving Jerry and Elaine stranded] 

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I love when you get your car back from the car place, and it's got that... paper mat on the floor. Like they're so obsessed with cleanliness. They don't even want their shoes to touch the carpet. Meanwhile, the mechanic comes out. He looks like Al Jolson. He's covered in goo from head to toe. You can't even see him. Although I prefer that to when they have the lab coat, the clipboard, the nice glasses. Now you know you're getting screwed. "Can I see it?" "You better not. It's idling quietly right now. I think it should stay overnight. We wanna keep an eye on it, and we wanna keep the bill running up."