- Elaine Benes: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a jeep.
- J. Peterman: Bad news, people. Peggy is home sick.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, please.
- J. Peterman: She's stuffed up, achy, and suffering from intense malaise.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, come on, we all have intense malaise. Right?"
- J. Peterman: I just spoke with her, Elaine. She's in bed.
- Elaine Benes: Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her mind, okay? She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah, she's a wacko.
- Melissa: What are you doing?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I found a rough spot on the kitchen floor, I thought I polish it off with this belt sander I have here.
- Melissa: No, not that. Why are you naked?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I thought naked is good.
- Melissa: This isn't good naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld: When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.
- George Costanza: I asked if I could borrow a sweater.
- Jerry Seinfeld: A cashmere sweater.
- George Costanza: I said, preferably cashmere. For warmth. So in front of the whole party, he says: "No. I don't want you stretching out the neck hole." Oh, yeah, sure, laugh it up. Everybody else did.
- Elaine Benes: Well, it's funny. I mean, you have a big head. Or is it because of your neck?
- Jerry Seinfeld: No, I think the head does most of the stretching.
- George Costanza: Regardless, I had to walk around for the rest of the party... in some cheap MetLife Windbreaker. Now it is payback time.
- Elaine Benes: I really think it's the size of your neck.
- George Costanza: It's my head!
- George Costanza: You know, Jason, I, I couldn't help notice: I didn't get my apology.
- Jason Hanky: Apology? For what?
- George Costanza: A drafty apartment. A sweaterless friend. A ball-game-giveaway MetLife windbreaker.
- Jason Hanky: George, come on. Not that neck-hole thing.
- George Costanza: Yeah, the neck-hole thing, and I would appreciate it if you would say you're sorry.
- Jason Hanky: No way! You would have completely stretched it out!
- George Costanza: You're an alcoholic! You have to apologize! Step 9! Step 9!
- Jason Hanky: All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head... struggling to find its way through the normal-size neck hole... of my finely knit sweater.