- Elliot: [about a patient] This might sound weird, but I'm in love with that guy. And if I don't sleep with him, I'm gonna kill myself! It's inappropriate to jump a patient, isn't it?
- Carla: Totally.
- Elliot: Have you ever done it?
- Carla: Tons of times.
- [Turk comes up to them]
- Turk: Tons of times what, baby?
- Carla: [smiling] Nothing, baby.
- J.D.: Hello, Benedict.
- Chris Turk: What?
- J.D.: Benedict Arnold!
- Chris Turk: That has got to be the lamest smack talk I have ever heard.
- J.D.: Well the redcoats didn't think so!
- Patient: You just went colonial on his ass!
- J.D.: You see, surgical and medical interns are kinda like two rival gangs. Not real gangs, more like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals.
- Elliot: Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single, I've mentioned, like, five movies that I want to see, I--I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am!
- Carla: Look, Elliot, you have to understand, these things take time and self-respect... so we're gonna focus on time.
- Carla: You know what your problem is?
- Dr. Perry Cox: There are times I put myself in situ-...
- Carla: Oh, my God! Who answers that question? You see, THAT is your problem -- you think you have the answers to e-heh-everything, but instead, you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences.
- Dr. Perry Cox: That's almost exactly what I was going to say.