- Dr. Cox: Tammy, as far as your love life goes, normally I couldn't care less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while your lips whisper "No, no... no" but your eyes scream, "Yes. Yes. Oh, BIG DADDY, YES!" But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo, it forces me to spend time with you outside of the hospital, and I just won't have that. So, hhhere's the deal: Don't want to have dinner with you. Don't want to go bowling with you. And I never, ever again want to walk into my kitchen and hear you say,
- [singing]
- Dr. Cox: "Ohh, it's waffle time! It's waffle time! Won't you have some waffles of mine?"
- [the Janitor is running the hospital PA announcement system]
- Janitor: [over PA] Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is free for his rectal exam. He said you'd know what that means.
- [J.D. and Turk give each other a horrified look, and run off in opposite directions]
- J.D.: I hit my head so hard I actually saw cartoon birds, then I realized I was in pediatrics and it was just the wallpaper.
- Dr. Cox: Look, Tammy, as far as your love life goes, normally I couldn't care less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while your lips whisper "No, no... no" but your eyes scream, "Yes. Yes. Oh, big daddy, yes!" But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo, it forces me to spend time with you outside of the hospital, and I just won't have that. So, shhhere's the deal: Don't want to have dinner with you. Don't want to go bowling with you. And I never, ever again want to walk into my kitchen and hear you say,
- [singing]
- Dr. Cox: "Ohh, it's waffle time! It's waffle time! Won't you have some waffles of mine?"
- J.D.: [joining in] "... waffles of mine..."
- Dr. Cox: Bottom line. We'll be bestest friends foreverest if you just keep your face out of my face. Uh-huh.
- Dr. Cox: Now, just because Jordan thinks it's cute that you're violating her little sister, doesn't mean you can use my guestroom for your nerdy G-rated sexcapades.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Lookit, after shooting my mouth off the other night I've been feeling a lot of... well... .
- Jordan: Guilt.
- Dr. Perry Cox: No. Not that.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Guilt?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yes, that.
- Jordan: Ugh.
- Dr. Perry Cox: [to J.D] I... I don't like her to be right.
- Janitor: [on PA] A quick note for all my comatose listeners out there: all your lovers have moved on. But, if it's any consolation, my sources tell me they're happy. Well, snooze, you lose. In other news...
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [Voice over] Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
- [Out loud]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
- Danni: I'm sorry I wore sandals.
- Jordan: Sweetie, you can't take this personally. He's a doctor -- they don't listen to anyone.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Please don't lump us all together with numb-nuts over here.
- Jordan: Oh, really? This morning I asked you to do me a favor involving my mother. What was it?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Well... I can only hope that it had something to do with hiring people to kill her?
- [He crosses his fingers hopefully]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Well, you have done it. It's Friday night, and instead of being at home, drinking whiskey through my son's sippy cup, I'm actually at a carnival with you, surrounded by piles of manure even though I've yet to see a single animal!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That IS weird.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [Dr. Kelso follows behind Turk, who speaks to the other staffers]
- [loud and chipper]
- Dr. Christopher Turk: All right, people, listen up: Dr. Kelso has ruptured both his eardrums. You could say whatever you want to him as long as you got a smile on your face! holla!
- Dr. Perry Cox: Bob! You stupid motherf--
- [garbled]
- Dr. Bob Kelso: [Dr. Cox, Todd, and Carla all smile at Kelso, who only hears garbled sounds] Thanks for the kind words, gang!
- Jill: Always fun to be in the bathroom listening to people talk so clearly, you're sure they just heard you pee. You did, didn't you.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You start and stop a lot.