Scrubs (TV Series)

My Drive By (2005)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : [whistles]  All right, everybody... gather round here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look... I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes, but... I have a son, now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr Blake, down in bed 3, came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block, but someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme carditis. Now, I'm sure some of you are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up to the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This... this is no time to be modest. Come now.

  [turns around and raises his own hand] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, my God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius. I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body. I am Jesus H. Cox, M.D. Still, I probably couldn't have done it by myself so I'd like to go ahead and recognize some of the other players who were involved. There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient...

  Lonnie : [raises his hand]  That's me, daddy.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Put your hand down, Lonnie.

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...and then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis...

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : In my defense I was up late watching a "Designing Women" marathon.

  Dr. Perry Cox : ...and last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't ever need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes; ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Not until people start chanting my name, so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Because, you see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing, well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now.

  [everybody starts and chants Cox's name] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Me... me... me... oh, so me!

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Look, I have just been thinking about all of my relationships, and every time one has potential, I go too fast and ruin everything. Long story short, Jake's not getting any.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, please, you're a half a glass of wine away from nuding up and doing your go-to move.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Which is?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Her on top, eyes closed, yelling, "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"

  Dr. Elliot Reid : [Whining to Carla]  Sex is disgusting!

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : I know, sweetie.