Scrubs (TV Series)

My Day at the Races (2006)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Turk : My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia.

  Dr. Cox : Look, and I'd like to throw in Gwen Stefani tonight instead of Jordan, but that ain't gonna happen either.

  Carla : Dr Cox!

  Turk : Dr Cox! No! Awful!

• Dr. Cox : Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna go ahead and and cram an entire evening's worth of drinking into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them. Be particularly aware of the blonde talky one - I've worked with her before - she has no off button.

  Carla : [to Elliot]  If money is so tight, why not have Jake move in with you?

  Jordan : Who's Jake?

  Dr. Cox : Jordan!... No!

  Elliot : He's this guy that I've been going out with for a while, but we're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off, you know?

  Jordan : [Pointing at Cox behind her hand]  Uh, sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?

  Dr. Cox : Jordan Godzilla Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop it now!

  Jordan : Why don't you try talking to humans for once? You might enjoy it!

  Carla : Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up? You know like Turk can be a little... immature - you know, like I always have to talk about my feelings over dinner or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake.

  Dr. Cox : Or... maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on fifty pounds, start collecting knick-knacks and meet your future now. You know... before the loneliness burns too much?

  [Hopping in his seat] 

  Dr. Cox : Wooooo-ohhhhh!

  [Laughing] 

  Dr. Cox : Gosh, I did enjoy that!

• Turk : Why are all these cameras here?

  Dr. Kelso : Turkleton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart.

  [Laughs heartily] 

  Dr. Kelso : I can't help it, it kills me! Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese newsanchor who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon.

  [Turk looks over at the young Asian woman] 

  Dr. Kelso : If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!

  Dr. Cox : We're also getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at CalTech, who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course, the numerous afterscreams that are sure to follow.

  Turk : No interviews!

• Turk : What the hell was I thinking?

  Carla : No, you did great, baby.

  Dr. Kelso : She's right, Turkleton. Hell, without anesthesia, you made it halfway through a surgery. I bet you could publish that.

  Dr. Cox : Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.

  Dr. Kelso : You know, Perry, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.

  Dr. Cox : How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.