Scrubs (TV Series)

My Common Enemy (2004)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• J.D. : Mmm, mulattos.

  Carla : They're Milanos, you idiot.

  J.D. : I always thought that was a little bigoted for a cookie.

• Dr. Christopher Turk : You know, on The Sopranos, if a guy caught his brother with his girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out.

  J.D. : Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass rubbing... I shouldn't smack talk.

  Dan Dorian : [arriving]  Hey, mind if I join you guys?

  Dr. Perry Cox : [arriving too]  The question you should be asking is "Mind if I diddle your ex?". Oh... and just a great big congratulations on your ongoing streak of being the world's worst older brother.

  [leaves] 

  Dan Dorian : [stands, then smiles]  Thanks, Coxy.

  J.D. : [narrating]  I knew it was my turn to let Dan have it, but for some reason I wasn't mad.

  [out loud] 

  J.D. : Listen, Dan...

  Dan Dorian : J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you... and I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was an one-time thing.

  J.D. : I'm OK with it.

  Dan Dorian : Great, because it's going on for a few weeks! Elliot's amazing: smart, funny... hhhot! I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. I haven't feel this good since my dad died.

  J.D. : Our dad.

  Dan Dorian : Right.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Hold on. When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something; did you two hook up in J.D.'s room?

  Dan Dorian : A friend wouldn't ask, a gentleman wouldn't tell.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Did you?

  Dan Dorian : Twice. We didn't go under the sheets, out of respect.

  J.D. : [sarcastically]  How thoughtful!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : You know, on "The Sopranos", if a guy caught his brother with his ex-girlfriend, he'd just rub his ass out!

  J.D. : Oh, believe you me, the second I get Dan alone, there's gonna be some serious ass-rubbing.

  [beat] 

  J.D. : I shouldn't smack-talk.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : J.D., are you really this upset?

  J.D. : Well how would you feel if I hooked up with one of your siblings?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : A little confused considering I have four brothers. But not surprised. At you or Barry.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : J.D., Dan and I both know this is just a fling. Still, I feel like the worst person in the whole world. Please, can you forgive me?

  J.D. : Elliot, I came here to tell you I was never actually mad at you.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : How could you not be mad that I was hooking up with your brother?

  J.D. : I don't know. I just... wasn't. How could you hook up with my brother without considering my feelings?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : I don't know I--I just didn't.

  J.D. : [Voice over]  That's when I realized that Elliot and I had absolutely no romantic feeling for each other anymore.

• Dan Dorian : You know, without Elliot, I never woulda gotten through my dad's death.

  J.D. : Our dad's death.

  Dan Dorian : Right.

• J.D. : [Voice over]  Women are checking me out lately. Was it the ten pushups I've been cranking out every other Sunday? Perhaps. More likely it was the pledge I made not to date anyone until Elliot did.