Quotes
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J.D. : It was all right; we spent most of the time dealing with the headstone problem. See, since Dad was an office supplies salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.
Turk : So?
Dan Dorian : So, it looked like a giant marble penis - which I maintain, Dad would have liked even more.
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J.D. : What happened?
Dan Dorian : What, a guy can't take three days off work, travel eight hundred miles on a bus with a double-layer fudge cake just to say "Hey, how're things?"
J.D. : Dan...
Dan Dorian : Dad died.
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Carla : Welcome to Turk's head. You look hot!
Dr. Clock : Wait a minute... you're not a lesbian.
Carla : I am in here.
Dr. Clock : Yeah... me too!
[they lean in to kiss]
J.D. : [waking up] Dammit! Molly, you're a shrink: why is it my daydreams always end right before the sexy part?
Dr. Clock : I don't know, maybe we should work on that... together.
[leans in to kiss him]
J.D. : [waking up] Dammit!
Turk : Dude! Relax!... and enjoy hot chocolate loooove.
[leans in to kiss him]
J.D. : Snap out of it! Abort! ABORT!
J.D. : [waking up] STOP IT! I DON'T HAVE GAY JUNGLE FEVER!
Turk : Okay, we should go!
Carla : Yeah!
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J.D. : You know, it wasn't exactly easy showering with you in there.
Dan Dorian : Well, it wasn't exactly easy for me, either. You have Dad's butt.
J.D. : You think you'll get out of the tub today?
Dan Dorian : Yeah, today doesn't look good - by the way, could you get me another beer?
J.D. : No, look, I put a six-pack for you in the toilet.
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Dr. Perry Cox : Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.
J.D. : Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?
[he storms off]
Dr. Perry Cox : Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo!
[starts applauding]
Dr. Perry Cox : Bravo, ah!
[He whistles as Ted walks up and joins him in applauding. Cox stops clapping]
Ted : What are we clapping for?
Dr. Perry Cox : His dad just died.
[Ted's applause trails off]
Dr. Perry Cox : Dammit
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Dr. Perry Cox : Truth be told, there, Newbie: I'm proud of you.
Dan Dorian : Me too.
J.D. : [narrating] It's amazing how a few simple words can change everything.
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J.D. : [Carla serves Turk a chocolate cake] What's the occasion?
Turk : [leaning in] I... have type II diabetes.
J.D. : Really?
Turk : Yeah.
J.D. : That sucks. Carla is aware that if you eat that your foot will fall off, right?
Turk : Well, I haven't told her yet. But I'm pretty sure she knows, 'cause right now she's trying to get me to 'fess up by tempting her Chocolatey Goodness with chocolatey goodness.
