Scrubs (TV Series)

My Big Brother (2002)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : You know, Newbie, it's so interesting -- I found I couldn't sleep last night, so, in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays "Hump Day" and, of course, all Sandra Bullock movies. But now, I'm thrilled to announce, your brother tops the list, which is...

  Dan : Hey, chief! Does this speech have an intermission? 'Cause I gotta go to the lobby and take a wizz.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Aaaactually, I'm not so keen on nicknames from guys that barely know me!

  Dan : [imitating Cox]  Aaaaactually, why don't you tell me what you keen on?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [near tears]  Oh, Dan, no.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, I get it. Well, let's see how tough you are without your costume on. Go ahead and--and knock the folders out of my hand now!

  Janitor : [the Janitor does so]  What costume?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : You weren't wearing a gorilla suit before?

  Janitor : There's someone running around in a gorilla suit? What's he look like?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : A gorilla... .

  Janitor : No, it's not me.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Well, then, why'd you knock the folder out of my hand?

  Janitor : Because you asked me to. Here you go.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [He puts his banana peel in J.D.'s breast pocket]  I didn't ask you to do that!

  Janitor : Yeah... that comes free with the folder knock.

• Dr. Bob Kelso : Hey, sport, how you doin'?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, good, sir.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : I don't have time to stand here and flirt, son. There have been rumblings that you let your brother play doctor the other day.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Dr. Kelso, I...

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Dr. Dorian, if I had one shred of evidence that incident actually took place, you would be working with my nephew Francis so fast, it'd make your head spin!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Sir, I don't follow.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : He cleans pools!... I forgot you didn't know that!

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Damn you, you dirty ape!

• Dan : So, while I'm here, we should play some Frisbee golf, we should... maybe give dad a call... . Dad. Oh, we should definitely make sure I sleep with that Elliot chick.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : That's a little weird for me 'cause... I don't know if you'd know this or not, but... we used to be intimate.

  Dan : Int--inimate? What'd you do, bathe her?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Yeah, once... but she was wearing a swimsuit.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I can't believe she called me "Sir."

  Dr. Christopher Turk : She called me "Mister."

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Maybe it's because you're bald.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I'm not bald -- I shave my head.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : Well, then, let it grow back.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Careful, honey!

• Dan : Look, J.D., we're all proud you became a doctor, but just because I haven't achieved as much as you doesn't mean I don't like what I do.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Dan, there's nothing wrong with being a bartender.

  Dan : I like living with Mom.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : She makes great eggs!

  Dan : All in all, I'm pretty damn happy! I'm happy... you know?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [voice over]  And now for the apology.

  [J.D. hops off the rail and faces his brother] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [out loud]  That's a load of crap.

  [Dan gives him a questioning look] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, I know you, okay. I know the reason you wanted to pretend you're a doctor yesterday is 'cause you hate working in that bar and you wanted to feel like somebody for once. Come on, man, you're not--you're not driving that car across the country for the $300 -- you're doing it 'cause you like the way you feel when you drive it. And the funny thing is, you could be that guy, but you're afraid that if--if you actually have to try at something you might fail, and that's just not a chance you're willing to take.

  Dan : [pause]  What can I say? It's been a real pleasure seeing you.

  [Dan hops off the rail and heads for the car] 

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Isn't there... something you guys wanna talk about? You know, like cars or sports... or boobs?

  Dan : I'll talk about boobs. Remember Fred Kiefer's mom?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : She wore a tank-top to Fred's thirteenth birthday party... . She taught us how to bob for apples, and three guys passed out.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Okay, great story! Now how about something with a little more substance?

  Dan : Dude, remember the cans on Pat Clark's mom?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Yeah! Those were awesome!